It saddens me to see the pain that you have entered into. I know that it hurts, and that the pain seems like it will not subside. You have used many different methods to calm it down, including drugs, people, fits of happiness and moments of rage.. yet all of them are the types of happiness that leave you restless, seeking, in want, craving for more..
I look back at those days of mine where the sun was always too bright and the night couldn't come quicker; every day was exactly the same. I dreamt of a place where everyone was joyful, together, loving and accepting one another... and interestingly enough, consuming drugs to enhance their joy. I got it, but it was not as I had desired.
I looked around this large dark hill of people, mingling, talking, enjoying each other and the various drugs they were into... and soon the night closed with the dawning of the sun. Everyone's imperfections were noticed. Everybody ran to hide from the light. Those who did not hide, their flaws were completely exposed, some were even naked.. some were cheating on one another... others were talking behind their friends' backs, and none of them were filled with joy, for the light revealed everything, and soon.. the joy given to them by drugs and wild living in the night turned quickly into a depression too heavy to bear through the shining of the sun.
I ran and ran and ran, hiding inside of caves before the sun would set and the night would begin.. Every time the sun came up, I would sleep inside my cave, and at times, different ones, and others would be crowded in with me. It was a difficult time when daybreak came. It was uncomfortable, difficult to breathe... we feared judgment, fought amongst one another for spaces and pleasures... we had a moral code that we followed. My code is better than yours was the general notion among everybody. Everyone broke one another's code; it was simply a way to suit their own narrative.
We were gods.
Eventually joy turned to envy, envy turned to greed, and then came the fights. There was no real loyalty. It was all based around that which we all paid homage to; pleasure. No one cared more about anything but pleasure. We sought it out and went to the ends of the earth to get it. Our loyalty to one another stemmed around our loyalty to that pleasure. If anybody forsook that pleasure, we would eventually forsake them. "What business do we have with them anymore anyway?" we told ourselves.
I could see that in many places around the world, the idea was the same. Perhaps this is why vampire movies are so prevalent. The dark seems to be a "cool" place. The most fashionable cave today has not changed since the dawn of time. It is murky, difficult to see, confusing, and most of all, filled with blind men leading the blind. I saw it with my own eyes, or rather, my eyes had been darkened so that I was unable to open them in the midst of the sun. If it were not for the hand that led me during this time, I would not be with you now, writing to you, able to see, able to breathe freely in the summer breeze in the glow of the morning star that breathed in me new life.
It saddens me to see you entering into these caves of regret and remorse. To think the sun only reveals your weaknesses is a narrow point of view. Yes, it does do this, yet if you will stand there for a moment and soak in the heat of the sun, you will realize that it not only reveals truth; it burns away the dead things of the body, growing up into life within the soul. Someone once told me a seed must first die before it becomes a living, breathing thing; from death to life, a resurrection from the grave. You see, the light reveals truth, and the truth will set you free. No "daywalker" fears the night do they? Only nightwalkers fear the day. A vampire is very limited in its' fabled history; they die and burn in the light of the sun. Yet those who walk during the day do not burn in darkness. No, it is exactly here that they shine in the midst of darkness, and that is exactly what the Son does.
He radiates inside of you, and that which you receive during the day, while the light is still here, you will shine into the darkest areas of the earth. And you will do more than simply reveal people's sicknesses, flaws, greed, envy... you will change them forever. You will create sons of light from sons of darkness. They will not feed on the blood of people anymore but be eternally filled once and for all by the blood of the Son. They will not run and hide as they once did from the morning star, but they will run and embrace Him as the giver of Life, the giver of eternal joy and happiness. True, someone will tell you there is no life in the sun for night creatures such as yourselves. Yet I was a nightwalker once just like you, perhaps even more. And believe me when I tell you, it is impossible to see in the dark.
And you, having been freed, oh former member of the dark, will come out of your cave and enjoy the brilliance of the entire earth shining before you. You will run free through fields of gold, never hiding, for shame will drift away into a lost memory... and glory will suddenly become a reality, a reality you will never forget nor regret, for regret only comes when there is loss.. and you will never lose this glory, for the Son is eternal, and His glory lasts from age to age, and so will you. We will share in this glory, even now we do.
So rise up night walker! Awake!
It is time to shine like the sun.
"Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever." Revelation 22:1-5
