The Love of a Father

I just got done watching the movie John Q.. you know, the one with Denzel Washington and it's the story where a father wants to die for his son? His son has an over-sized heart and is in need of a very expensive surgery, one that John Q can't afford. Not taking "no" for an answer, John takes the hospital hostage to operate on his son. Eventually he realizes that they need a heart to replace the over-sized one in his son, and John decides to let his son take his heart, to die so that his son can live... and with the obvious Christ-like implications in this story, I thought one scene was particularly interesting...

The doctor and the people in the hospital finally say to John Q (Denzel Washington) that he should just accept the fact that his son is going to die. But what does he say? He says his son is going to live, that he does NOT accept that, that he WON'T accept that.. ever. And it broke my heart.

It broke my heart because I began to think of how the conversation must have been like, in heaven, between our Father, the Son, and the angels. I began to wonder, "What must it have been like? What must they have said? What must some of the angels had said to Him?" To give up perhaps? To accept the fact that your children, that your sheep are hopeless, lost, and dead? That there is no turning back for them, that there is nothing that can save them... To accept that every last one of them will die, that every last one of us will spit in His face again if we had the chance... just forget it, it's not worth it, they don't deserve it... just face up, give up, and give in... For your children are lost... and can not be found.

To you who are reading this, I pray that joy, peace, and love enters your life... I pray that your heart breaks too, when God speaks to you (in all the ways that He does), that when you imagine how God must have stood up for us... tears of joy enter your eyes. How Jesus Christ, the Son, sitting at the right hand of God, must have stood up before the angels... and with power and authority, spoke to them... with nothing but pure... and true...



love.



His strength is perfect when ours is gone yes? His love for us is never-ending, it never fades, it never loses hope, it never fails us. It doesn't give up. It doesn't falter, it doesn't struggle, it doesn't fear, it doesn't regret, it doesn't doubt... it knows everything, it forgives yesterday, today and tomorrow... It gives us hope, it gives us joy, it gives us peace, it gives us comfort and shelter in times of hardship, it gives us unity... it gives us strength, it gives us purpose, and it gives us the truth. He is always there... watching us, with compassion and understanding, with love and mercy... He is watching us.

And through our denying of His love, through our denying of His existence, through our denying of the cross, through the suffering we caused by needing the cross, and through our cursing of the cross,

He was still hanging on that cross...

And so I hope that one day we all will see the cross, that you will see the dream that's been given to you, the road that lies ahead of you, and have the faith and courage that this great father had, and know that this faith started with God's faith...in you.

To end in His words,



"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." -Jesus Christ

Something More...

How many times will we go back?

To the people who bring us back to the road that never ends, tirelessly circling to the point where a drunken daze is the only way to cope with these thoughts in my head?  Will the knife win me over or will the pill put me to sleep?   I don't know why but I know I gotta change but something keeps telling me to stay where I am, to finally lay my head in my bloodied bed.  Will I?   Should I?  I've certainly considered, but now I'm at the end of my road, tired of the circles, of the lies that lift me up for one moment then leave me drowning the next.  I'm tired of hearing your lies, your phony truths about a love that's made by my tears and pride, I'm tired of this life.   I'm tired of this life!  So someone come and save me!  I have nothing to lose.  What do I have?  All I held dear has led me here... are the scars on my wrists and the emptiness in my eyes proof enough to change?

The world around me always claimed we didn't need a Savior, but as my heart slowly beats, fading with every moment without a hope I have yet to see, why am I crying out for one?  Did I miss something?

Am I the only one feeling like this?

Is this life really all for naught and God is whoever we make him out to be?  Isn't he greater than you?  Greater than me?  Isn't there something coming or waiting for me?  If it's not Him, if it's not eternal, then I don't want it!  How many men and women have given me a false love, a hope that faded, a dream that ended, a lust that masqueraded as true love... how many times? No more of your lies!  I'm looking for a love that never dies, a hope that never fades and a dream that's beyond my nightly tears.  And if there is a God, though I don't know much, I know I'll find You.  I don't know why, but I know I'll find You. People can only do so much.  Look at us!  Why am I suicidal?  Why am I so violent?  Why do people rape others?  Steal?  Kill?  Murder?  Live so selfishly and greedily?   How long will You let this go God?  Haven't You seen enough?

Though my parents and my closest friends have called them foolish, I've seen a joy in their eyes, a love and a passion I have never seen before in my life, one that I'm jealous of and desperate for.  Some seem to fake it.  Some just seem to do it for the money.  Some seem to do it for fame.  But others, a few I've seen, seem to truly be in love with Jesus Christ.  We call them fools but who are we to judge?  I'm the one cutting myself, bleeding in my bathroom sink... getting high every chance I get... where did I lose myself?  How did it come so far?  My tears drip down my pen, as I remember the beautiful days of my youth, innocent and naïve, pure in so many ways... before the rage set in.  Before the depression bottled me into this prison of unforgiving hate, fueling the guilt of my own sins... that's where I lost my place.  Yes, that's where I lost my faith.  So that's where I need to pick myself up again.  Can a person turn into a ghost, and go back to a time where the future held promise and joy?

Can a person be born again?

So tell me where You are and I will meet You there, wherever You may be, be it far, be it near, my heart is empty and my soul draws near.. I seek You with all my heart, as if my life will start over and the days will be renewed... for my fear also draws near, telling me to stay away from the Son.  But I will not listen to him anymore, he who brought me to this place, who laughed at my pains and my pride and my shame... I will not listen to him anymore, because I know in my heart there is more.

I believe in my soul I am more.  


-Your best friend