I remember you so vividly. At times I could sit back and drift and literally "feel" the memories of the past, and I could always remember you in particular. I remember there were moments when I, being older than you, use to take advice from you. I remember you use to encourage me greatly, consistently, lifting me up when my spirits were low and keeping me on earth when my emotions were too high. You use to keep me in your prayers constantly, opening your Bible and being faithful to most all the promises you made... each night you would pray for courage and guidance for the following day at school; high school life wasn't always easy, if you remember. You use to look up to many great people, and some treated you well, and others not so well... but you never lost it. You never lost your faith. You were so full of faith and joy. God I use to see your joy radiate from your smile, and with just one look I'd catch myself smiling back.. without even knowing why..
I remember how much you loved to worship God. I remember how passionate you would get when you would sing, in front of the entire church, with everyone around, you would sing your heart out to Jesus, because you knew in your heart and your soul how much He truly loved you. Do you remember those days? You never cared what others thought of you, but you didn't hate the gossipers.. you rose above them by serving them, being humble around them knowing you were guilty too, and always trying to help them. Do you remember?
The days when you were loved...
Time passes quickly, doesn't it? It's been over a decade since those days, and if I asked you to, you could still probably remember the color of the walls in the chapel, the long red pews lining up like solar panels drinking up the light of the sun.. and it was in those short, powerful moments that you use to know that you would never leave Him, because you knew He would never leave you. You were so confident then. The days went on and the years passed, and you found many of your peers straying off, veering into dark corners of the world... following their dreams and ambitions most of our parents laid out for us, and before you even knew what happened... you ended up in a place you never imagined.
Uncertain.
You were always so honest to me, and if I may be so bold as to honor you by giving you that same honor, why are you where you are? Most people, young or old, never like to admit they are uncertain, that most times out of the day when they sit and think, they truly realize they're not as sure as they wished, and are always trying to catch the white rabbit they continually miss... but this isn't an interview, and no one is asking you any questions that they'll hear the answers to.. so truly, why are you lost?
I'm not better than you. You know that. I know that better than anyone. I know all the things I had done. Bad things. Terrible things. Things that were difficult for me to lay out on the table and analyze. But I did it. It was painful. I wasn't really one to cry a lot, but I wept, bitter tears. I wept because I had no one, and I knew that even those that I had, it was imperfect. I mean, I'm imperfect too, but that's not what I mean. The love I had never seemed enough. I always wanted more. No wait, that's not right... I always needed more. But it was never enough! I strived and strived and begged and begged... and they would always throw me a crumb, just enough to keep me at their beck and call. I went to those parties. I know you. You're not fulfilled getting drunk on the weekends and going to those parties hopefully catching yourself with a famous person to put on your Instagram. That's not enough for you. You're not fulfilled at your job either, are you? There's always another ladder to climb... another person to try not to envy.
If you and I were meant to live in such a way, which is what the world would certainly lead us to do, then I don't see why we're always asking for more. If we're just animals, then why has mankind since the beginning of written history always had eternity in inscribed in their hearts? How can someone bound by time even have a concept of something being outside of it?
Do you want to be free?
You're not like me. You don't need "proof." You weren't made that way. You live by following your heart. So when you look... deep down... I mean deep down, to the very bottom of your heart of hearts... when you've hit rock bottom and there's no more "bottomer" place to go.. what does your heart tell you? Even when I was doing all the bad things I was doing... when I was alone in my room, and I searched deep down to that lowest of places in my heart... I knew Jesus was real. I knew He was the Son of God. It's true. Romans 1.
I hated it, don't get me wrong, and I know right now, you probably hate it too. But Jesus doesn't hate you. Isn't that interesting? As much as I denied Him and spit on Him and persecuted and ridiculed His followers, church goers, cussed them out and drank to their misery... I realized, that no matter what I did, I couldn't take away what He did. You can't change the past. You use to tell me that. You can't change the past. Well, you were right.
I couldn't change the Cross.
Oh my dear friend, how much He has waiting for you.. how much He loves you, you and I will never fully know.. but would you do me a favor? When He calls on you again, it will be the quietest whisper venting in your soul... and the loudest knock you hear on your door... because He won't be hiding behind a mask or putting on a front for you. This isn't a show and it's not a dream; this is your life... and You'll know that it's Him. You'll know because you use to love Him... you were madly in love with Him...
He was your first love.
“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep." John 10:15
Oh my friend, He is jealous for you. He died for you because it would last for all time, eternal and undimmed by the fading glory of this world.. and even though you're uncertain right now, even though you're shaking... just know... that He loves you... and cares for you very, very much. You were never gone, you just went away for a little while is all. Come home now.
Showing posts with label sheep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sheep. Show all posts
The Road is Long
Paul's journey was a difficult one, to say the least. He was flogged, beaten, stoned, left shipwrecked, starving, hungry and destitute... put in chains, left cold and naked... all for the sake of the Gospel. I sometimes asked, and perhaps you have too... why did he do all that?
Would I?
I have never met a true follower of Christ, a true man of God, living by faith and not by sight, being led by the Spirit, trusting in the Lord with all their hearts, not have to sacrifice all they have for their Lord Jesus Christ. After all, He is Lord is He not? The God of all creation, of heaven and earth, holy and awesome in power and glory, gracious and kind to those who call to Him, even to those who do not... and we as His servants, are no greater than He are we? He washed our feet. We ought to wash one another's. He gave up His seat in heaven, His equality with God, His position, His rank, His table in the Kingdom eternal... to be beaten, spit on and humiliated by men and women, all to save men and women.
Yet for this He ascended on high, to the right Hand of God, loved by the Father for His humility, His goodness, and His faithfulness. Easter Sunday. The greatest day of my life, where every whimper and complaint that comes from my heart, every arrogant finger pointed at the Lord, every hedonistic pleasure given in to so easily, and every hateful and spiteful word and thought I felt and released... I count them against me no more, for the Judge, the Father, does not count them against me. Though I sin, and continue to do so... though I have weakness after weakness... I can boast of them. Because He still enjoys me during these times. This is not a hockey game. God does not have a penalty box for those of us who fail, who struggle, and who are weak. I do not run from the Father no longer, in shame and guilt, thinking if enough time passes of my feeling "sorry" for what I had done, all will be well with me and my Father again. There are no spiritual "time-outs" for the purpose of gaining God's love; there never were. His favor was never dependent upon what I did... remember? It was dependent on Jesus Christ, on the nature of the Father, and my "yes" cry to Him. We have inherited His righteousness. I do not mean to say that God approves of all that I do... by no means, we are told to put away our former lusts. But I am speaking of what God did for us... that though we still struggle through the years, He is always with us. He is not upset with you, but He enjoys you, loves you, even in your weakness, even in your laziness, even if you have fallen into spiritual slumber. Though you have not been seeking Him... though every step you take you wonder if it is for the Lord and why you feel so alone... He loves you! Go to Him! He will reveal to you more than you can imagine, and give you the strength to continue on, and carry you back to where you belong, so that the lions will not devour you whole.
What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!' I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance. (Luke 15)
We repent daily, as even in the Lord's prayer, we ask for daily bread along with the forgiveness of our debts, for his mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness (Lam 3) When we truly believe this, I believe, we will know why Paul suffered so much. For we love God because He loved us first... and as I grow to know Him more, of how loving, faithful, and awesome He is.. I will grow more in love with the Father, have more faith in Him, and my faith and love will be seen not by words, theology or song.. but by deed. The cost is great to follow the Lord, isn't it? Yet I count all things as loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus (Phil 3). The sufferings are great to be glorified with Him, aren't they? Yet we consider that the sufferings of the present are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us (Rom 8). Paul, a human like you and I, did not attain this perfection while writing this letter, and I certainly have not either... yet my soul cries,
...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Phil 3) God we seek You, show us Your glory.
Would I?
I have never met a true follower of Christ, a true man of God, living by faith and not by sight, being led by the Spirit, trusting in the Lord with all their hearts, not have to sacrifice all they have for their Lord Jesus Christ. After all, He is Lord is He not? The God of all creation, of heaven and earth, holy and awesome in power and glory, gracious and kind to those who call to Him, even to those who do not... and we as His servants, are no greater than He are we? He washed our feet. We ought to wash one another's. He gave up His seat in heaven, His equality with God, His position, His rank, His table in the Kingdom eternal... to be beaten, spit on and humiliated by men and women, all to save men and women.
Yet for this He ascended on high, to the right Hand of God, loved by the Father for His humility, His goodness, and His faithfulness. Easter Sunday. The greatest day of my life, where every whimper and complaint that comes from my heart, every arrogant finger pointed at the Lord, every hedonistic pleasure given in to so easily, and every hateful and spiteful word and thought I felt and released... I count them against me no more, for the Judge, the Father, does not count them against me. Though I sin, and continue to do so... though I have weakness after weakness... I can boast of them. Because He still enjoys me during these times. This is not a hockey game. God does not have a penalty box for those of us who fail, who struggle, and who are weak. I do not run from the Father no longer, in shame and guilt, thinking if enough time passes of my feeling "sorry" for what I had done, all will be well with me and my Father again. There are no spiritual "time-outs" for the purpose of gaining God's love; there never were. His favor was never dependent upon what I did... remember? It was dependent on Jesus Christ, on the nature of the Father, and my "yes" cry to Him. We have inherited His righteousness. I do not mean to say that God approves of all that I do... by no means, we are told to put away our former lusts. But I am speaking of what God did for us... that though we still struggle through the years, He is always with us. He is not upset with you, but He enjoys you, loves you, even in your weakness, even in your laziness, even if you have fallen into spiritual slumber. Though you have not been seeking Him... though every step you take you wonder if it is for the Lord and why you feel so alone... He loves you! Go to Him! He will reveal to you more than you can imagine, and give you the strength to continue on, and carry you back to where you belong, so that the lions will not devour you whole.
What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!' I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance. (Luke 15)
We repent daily, as even in the Lord's prayer, we ask for daily bread along with the forgiveness of our debts, for his mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness (Lam 3) When we truly believe this, I believe, we will know why Paul suffered so much. For we love God because He loved us first... and as I grow to know Him more, of how loving, faithful, and awesome He is.. I will grow more in love with the Father, have more faith in Him, and my faith and love will be seen not by words, theology or song.. but by deed. The cost is great to follow the Lord, isn't it? Yet I count all things as loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus (Phil 3). The sufferings are great to be glorified with Him, aren't they? Yet we consider that the sufferings of the present are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us (Rom 8). Paul, a human like you and I, did not attain this perfection while writing this letter, and I certainly have not either... yet my soul cries,
...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Phil 3) God we seek You, show us Your glory.
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