I know how taboo it is to say such a thing, that I was
living for my own glory, but how true is it in this American society we live in
today? I don’t believe it is a coincidence that all the popular music
these days is 98% saturated with loving oneself, living for ambitions without
any accountability for our actions, and putting our comforts before the
comforts of others. How many rappers in all seriousness, simply talk
about how great they are, how much better they are than the competition, how
many women they have and the money to buy every desire of their heart?
How selfish we as a nation had become! And I too, was no different.
The “rock” world seemed to me, at the time, to be a more
“moral” place, a place where seeking your own glory was frowned upon, and only
making music for “the love of music” was viewed as an acceptable motivator to
climb your way to the top. The front man of Green Day, Billy Joe
Armstrong said it best when he said a rapper can talk about their bling and
their cars and their women, but if a rockstar said that, their fans would
probably stone them. Yet we were all deceived. How many “Battle of
the Bands”, be on the cover of so and so magazine, win this competition and get
a record deal type “competitions” have we seen in the past 5 years alone?
Almost every independent artist that I know is trying to “make it”, and
they blindly follow this ambition thinking it’s the “good life”. Trent
Reznor (Nine Inch Nails) said that when he became rich and famous, he thought
his life would be better, but he found it wasn’t at all he said (paraphrased).
Jim Morrison, Layne Staley, Kurt Cobain to name a few, were men who had
it all, the money, the fame, the notoriety, the respect amongst other artists
and musicians, the integrity among fans and peers... yet all of them died by
overdoses and suicide, when their careers were at their peaks.
Cobain's wife, after his suicide, said “I can’t believe how
narcissistic he was to actually go through with it.”
My pastor friend and I had a conversation once over some
burgers and fries at Island’s, and I said to him,
“Dude! I’m gonna give up this whole making music thing
and just go to med school and be a doctor, and make lots of money and make
babies with a beautiful wife.” He responded by saying,
“How sad it is that such a noble profession as healing the
sick has turned into a means for material pleasures in our society.” I
had nothing to say. Then I thought about it, and we could have easily
replaced the phrase “healing the sick” with…
How sad it is that such a noble profession as "making music" has turned into a means for material pleasures in our society.
I finally came to a point, down on my knees, when everything
was going wrong in my life, cried out to God and said “Why am I like this?
Why are we like this? Where do we turn to if not to you? What
can man do to help ourselves? Look at what we’ve done already! Is
this where our road ends? Are we truly just chimps with bigger brains
like 99% of all the schools in this country drilled in my head growing up?
Did I miss something?”
I can’t go into detail what happened this last year, but God
and I met, in our own time, in a private place. I’m sure most of you know that I am a follower of Jesus
Christ, who was crucified and died for our sins that whoever believes in Him
will not perish, but have eternal life. And understand that this project,
is being made a new, brimming with love I had never seen, exuding with grace I
have not attained, and shining in goodness and light I can not fully
understand… but it is not my light. As the picture suggests (thanks to my
friend freezerburrn), It is the sun behind me that shines, infinitely bigger
than I yet graceful enough to clothe me in it’s warmth… And here and now I am
fulfilling that which has been given to me, to speak to those through song, who
are hurt, lost, confused, lukewarm, seeking more… And it is in God I trust, and
it is His message that speaks.
2 Cor 5:17
Love & respect always,
Andy
