A Teenage Pharisee

When I was 19...

"It's a sad thing when friends turn from one another. It is sad when a person's religion, is the line that is drawn between two lovers, or two friends, or even two family members. You see, there was a time when Christians tried to justify segregation between whites and blacks, by arguing that Negroes were inferior by nature because of Noah's curse on the children of Ham. But we are taught that this is wrong, and we can all see that now, now that it has already happened. We can all say with confidence that in Christ "there is neither Jew nor Gentile, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female, for we are all one in Christ Jesus."

You would have said this to those who were racist, correct? To those who you would say didn't "know better"? But there is something that is still in question, because there is still segregation among us, among the church, among believers, although we claim to "know better". It is not racial, nor sexist...but a segregation within the Body of Christ. This is not new, and it never was. There has been more than 250 denominations within Protestantism in America, and it's still going. The true Body of Christ has no denominations, no divisions, no quarrels, no gray, just black and white, just truth.

The segregation comes from the danger of claiming to know more than another. This claim turns into a "spiritual arrogance" as MLK put it, that a man or woman who sits at his or her church, lifting their arms high in the air praising the Lord, believes that he or she is actually BETTER than the person next to them. Don't get this confused, everybody will say they are not perfect, this is not what I said, I said BETTER, not perfect. I know you don't think you're perfect, I know. But try and picture a Pharisee today, picture a church leader, a club leader, a praise leader, a person who is always in the front of the church, who is on time every Sunday, who goes to every small group, every retreat, every revival, every rally, every missions...picture this. And seeing this man having a full resume of "good deeds", it is not hard to believe that he would be arrogant, that he would see himself being a little bit "better", a little bit more "qualified" to sit at the Right Hand of God than a man who is lacking in these "church credentials".

And as a very simple example, imagine a person who has claimed to have been a christian all his life, who also has a full resume of "good deeds", sees another man showing up to his church on Sunday's sporadically, inconsistently, always late, and always in the back row. What would he think? What did you think? You see it was never the deed that made a Christian, but the faith. And yes, faith without deeds is dead, but it has to start with faith. That man who did all those great things for the church was spiritually dead, he believed that every good deed he did, he became that much of a better person, and began falling in love with himself, and did it for that exact reason. And as he grew older, he started doing more and more, for the sake of being recognized in the church as a person of integrity, because it felt good believing he was righteous, not perfect, but righteous. And I can see this in many of you, I can see it in your eyes, your talk, in your actions, through your "white-washed tombs".

How? How can you claim to see so much? Because that was me, I was that man. I tell you this through writing, because I know it will hurt you if I personally said it, because then you would believe I was judging you, and my integrity in your mind would become lower than it already was, and nothing would come of it. I saw you looking at me when I was high, when I was at those parties, when I was with those girls, fulfilling my temporal desires as a human. And I saw you look down on me. And I believed you. I believed you were better than me, because I once believed I was better than you.

And to some of you I wish I could just say it, because I know reading this will not change you, reading this will not make you realize that you have been lying to yourself for so long. It took me two years of loneliness, emptiness, drugs and more drugs, and a man from my church that helped me realize this(u know who u are), and I thank you. He also helped me realize I had turned back into that same person, that I once again looked down on those who use to be like me, going back to the danger of claiming to knowing more than another, to know absolute truth. And to those of you who are in a position in your church to speak out, personally, face to face, with that person you know is not true, is a Pharisee, then speak out. Tell them. Don't let them nod their heads and go on with their business like they'll be nodding their heads if they read this...you know they'll agree with everything you say. But they don't believe it. Be blunt, be clear, above all pray. I may be young, but this much I know."

When My Friends Didn't Like Me

There was a time in my life when I heard that many of my friends were quietly upset with me. I had gotten under their skin without even knowing it, and the fruit I had grown was selfishness and a hunger to have my own way, and the root of it was my pride. I asked one of my closest friends, "How come nobody said this to me?" He replied "Because Andy, your pride always caused arguments, and your rhetoric never allowed for anything to happen." I promised him I would keep my mouth shut when he would speak to me of these issues from here on out, and I made him promise me that day to always, always tell me the truth from now on. From then on, I regularly asked him "Did I do it again? Please tell me. Am I doing anything else wrong? Please tell me. You are all valuable to me. Forgive me." As painful as this pruning process was, it was necessary, and one that I continually go over to this day.

"When did we let evil become stronger than us?" -Tauriel, the Hobbit. When did we let ourselves believe that we no longer needed accountability? This implies an arrogance beyond correction; the belief that one needs no correction. This implies a weakness of the heart and the mind; the inability to hear the truth that disables our ability to turn TO the truth.

One day, after praying for a week straight about a certain pressing issue in my life, the Lord answered me at the end of the week through a friend I had not spoken to in years, by a dream he had of me, regarding that exact same issue. One thing he said to me was "I had not seen you in a long time, but when we sat down together, I saw an Andy I had never seen before, the most humble Andy I ever imagined." After thanking God for this, I prayed to Him again saying "Oh Lord, how I desire this, how I long to be this humble man that I never believed I could be, and was unable to do in the vigor and passion of my youth... Father, make me holy like You."

Many of you know I have been pastoring a group of college students that I have come to love dearly, as a father loves and cares for his own, and I imagine it is some of you that are reading this blog. I tell you the truth, there have been many moments with some of them that have been difficult, where in my youth my pride and anger would have bested me, and the Enemy would have won the day. Yet the only reason the Lord has appointed me to be their pastor, is because of this pruning process I undertook many moons ago, and continue on to this day. Any pastor who claims to be perfect, is a liar, and a dangerous man/woman who is vulnerable to become as the pharisees were in the days of Jesus. One thing I learned from my youth pastor Johnny, was his humility. How difficult it must have been for him to deal with kids like me and my peers in our teens! I never realized it then, but walking a mile in his shoes has opened my eyes and he has gained even more of my respect.

Is not a friend who tells the truth better than an enemy who tells lies? For one who tells lies is an enemy, and the clever ones guise themselves as friends. Beloved I tell you now, to speak truth to one another in love, that you may grow up in every way to be like the Master (Eph 4:15), removing the planks out of your own eyes to clearly remove the specks in your friends'. And this is not to hurt your friends, to ridicule them, or to lord yourself over them as if you wanted to become the "wise sage" of your group (it is God who will appoint that one)... but to reveal a sin to a friend is to draw out the admission of their sin that can bring about their repentance and salvation.

Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. - Proverbs 28:13

Be of good courage, go forth and speak to them truth in love, in gentleness, in humility, knowing you are no better than any other, for "Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment." -Proverbs 28:13 God is love.