Some Christians have stumbled at the question, "Does God save those who do not hear the Gospel? What about those in countries that did not have the Bible or churches or preachers?" This question unanswered, turns once Christ following sons and daughters into either ignorant believers, who discard reason and intellectual capacity with "faith", or non-believers, where the God of the Holy Bible no longer exists because of His lack of moral dignity. So what is the answer to this question?
Listen to this: The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. Acts 17:24-27
There are numerous accounts where people from various countries who have never been to a church or never opened up a Bible have had encounters with the Lord Jesus Christ. These countries, mind you, are not "biased" in the sense that they have something to gain by "making up" a story about Jesus; these stories are mainly from Islamic states and atheistic communities. Persian Springs is a fantastic book that recounts many tales of such dreams and visions of Jesus among un-churched people groups.
It is crystal clear then, that God does not simply create man and woman to watch them "burn in hell" as some have eloquently expressed to me, but rather, gives everybody an opportunity to reach out and find Him, for I truly believe that when Jesus said "Seek and you shall find," (Matt 7:7) that is exactly what He meant.
Jesus Christ did not say you must come through a "mediator", like a preacher or a prophet to get to Him; He said I AM the Mediator that will unite you with the Father of heaven and earth. Jesus Christ did not say "There are many ways to God, I am but one of them"; He proclaimed that I AM God, the One God that is over and above all things. And finally, Jesus Christ did not say that He shows favoritism based on race, color, gender, or bank account; Jesus declared "I am the bread of life. WHOEVER comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty." John 6.
God is love.
The American Who Once Was
Listen Church! Many Christians believe they no longer serve idols. Let me ask us all a few questions... when we check our bank account today... after we've taken out money for our expenses, food, rent, mortgage, etc., where does our money go then? Then when we check our time today... after we've taken time out for our needs, job, kids, etc., where does our free time go? And when we check our thoughts... after we've focused on our needs, work, relationships, etc., where do our thoughts go? And finally, when we check our hearts... after we've answered these questions about what we spend our money, time, and thoughts on... are we free enough to say our idols are made of our hobbies? Or our human praise? What about furry creatures that take up enough of our money that we could feed multitudes of starving children with that same money? I have yet to meet an actual loving father who considers his dog a person.
Foolish American, who has bewitched you? Don't you know that not everyone who calls Jesus "Lord" will enter into the Kingdom of Heaven? And I quote:
‘LORD, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ “Then THEY will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.” -Matthew 25:44-46
Be careful then, for life is but a fleeting moment, a whisper in the wind, and the Lord may call on you at any moment... let not that day come upon you like a thief in the night, but rather, keep oil in your lamps that they may be lit when He comes for you, for even now HE is ready and willing to heal you, to bring you back into His House, ready to make all things new once more, by the love of the Father, the grace of the Son, and the fellowship of the Holy Ghost. God is love.
Foolish American, who has bewitched you? Don't you know that not everyone who calls Jesus "Lord" will enter into the Kingdom of Heaven? And I quote:
‘LORD, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ “Then THEY will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.” -Matthew 25:44-46
Be careful then, for life is but a fleeting moment, a whisper in the wind, and the Lord may call on you at any moment... let not that day come upon you like a thief in the night, but rather, keep oil in your lamps that they may be lit when He comes for you, for even now HE is ready and willing to heal you, to bring you back into His House, ready to make all things new once more, by the love of the Father, the grace of the Son, and the fellowship of the Holy Ghost. God is love.
Listen to My Heart
How I long for heaven!
I have not seen anything on this earth that can match the joy I can only imagine we will have, when we see that place where we dance among the new heavens, where no tears are shed and no pain is felt... in the twinkling of an eye, we will be in the place where unending bliss is just a glimpse of what is to come, and will never pass away..
How fleeting is the life of man on this earth! Where every emotion one may have felt no longer exists, and where every thought one may have thought will never come to be thought. It is a fleeting life this earth, a sinking ship, a star that is falling, awaiting its' doom while hopelessly burning through the night sky, shedding off its' own glory in marvelous light before its' tragic end.
How I long for heaven, the everlasting!
I have been to many funerals in my life, and still at least one more to come before my time is up here. And I have seen the tears racing down the cheeks of men, women and children, and shed them together with my loved ones... and no one, not a single soul on earth can say they have not felt the same pain and angst that comes with the cold, pale complexion that overtakes the vibrant soul we once called 'friend.' How fleeting this life is, how quick is its' end!
Oh Father, when will we learn? When will we see we were created for so much, yet we continue to settle for so little? We are so much more than refilling the day's rations of water and happiness, only to awake needing more of the same thing. Are we the hamster that runs in place atop a meaningless wheel? Oh when will we finally know that You are the source of eternity itself? For You are the Great Eternal One! The One who made us for joy and peace that is everlasting, all-satisfying, and never-ending. You are the Most High and Great Creator, who made us with a single Breathe, who tells the stars where they should go, the rivers to run over or run dry, the oceans to be still or rage on through the darkest of nights..
When will we know?
Will it be too late then?
God, I am just a man. Who am I that You give thought to me? I am just a whisper in the wind, a fleeting moment that passes by that only a few will notice. But I am a man that You have noticed, and that means the world to me, that means the world to me.
How I long for You my King, the One who put the earth in its' place, the One who brought me out of my own mire and breathed life into a lifeless body... the One who has given me visions and dreams of a better place than here, and a better time than now. You have given me hope, a hope I will soon never forget, and never regret. You have given me life, and a glimpse of what is to come. Like a fish out of the sea, I am jumping and jumping to be where I belong! Eternally with my Maker, my Father, My King, My God, My Jesus.. I love You, I love You, I love You. Listen to my heart Lord, You know that I do.
I have not seen anything on this earth that can match the joy I can only imagine we will have, when we see that place where we dance among the new heavens, where no tears are shed and no pain is felt... in the twinkling of an eye, we will be in the place where unending bliss is just a glimpse of what is to come, and will never pass away..
How fleeting is the life of man on this earth! Where every emotion one may have felt no longer exists, and where every thought one may have thought will never come to be thought. It is a fleeting life this earth, a sinking ship, a star that is falling, awaiting its' doom while hopelessly burning through the night sky, shedding off its' own glory in marvelous light before its' tragic end.
How I long for heaven, the everlasting!
I have been to many funerals in my life, and still at least one more to come before my time is up here. And I have seen the tears racing down the cheeks of men, women and children, and shed them together with my loved ones... and no one, not a single soul on earth can say they have not felt the same pain and angst that comes with the cold, pale complexion that overtakes the vibrant soul we once called 'friend.' How fleeting this life is, how quick is its' end!
Oh Father, when will we learn? When will we see we were created for so much, yet we continue to settle for so little? We are so much more than refilling the day's rations of water and happiness, only to awake needing more of the same thing. Are we the hamster that runs in place atop a meaningless wheel? Oh when will we finally know that You are the source of eternity itself? For You are the Great Eternal One! The One who made us for joy and peace that is everlasting, all-satisfying, and never-ending. You are the Most High and Great Creator, who made us with a single Breathe, who tells the stars where they should go, the rivers to run over or run dry, the oceans to be still or rage on through the darkest of nights..
When will we know?
Will it be too late then?
God, I am just a man. Who am I that You give thought to me? I am just a whisper in the wind, a fleeting moment that passes by that only a few will notice. But I am a man that You have noticed, and that means the world to me, that means the world to me.
How I long for You my King, the One who put the earth in its' place, the One who brought me out of my own mire and breathed life into a lifeless body... the One who has given me visions and dreams of a better place than here, and a better time than now. You have given me hope, a hope I will soon never forget, and never regret. You have given me life, and a glimpse of what is to come. Like a fish out of the sea, I am jumping and jumping to be where I belong! Eternally with my Maker, my Father, My King, My God, My Jesus.. I love You, I love You, I love You. Listen to my heart Lord, You know that I do.
A Thirsty Son
Oh why oh soul of mine, do you fear?
Why does the Lord make me wait upon Him? How I long for You my Beloved Savior!
How I desire to see You face to face, and be embraced by Your loving arms forever in eternal bliss, in the land of milk and honey, in the land of forever peace and mercy.
How my eyes long to gaze upon the golden gates of heaven, knowing that the works of these hands have built everlasting treasure in the everlasting House of the everlasting One, the great I AM! Oh Lord don’t have me wait too long, for my soul is weary and eyes are dry from tears. The Enemy mocks me and accuses me day and night, oppressing the righteous and confusing the truth lover. Oh Lord please do not wait long, for my soul and my heart pants for you, my eyes run rivers of tears in hope, for I know I will yet again praise Your Name, for though I am hungry now, I know You. You who are called faithful… You will fill me yet again. I will see You again. I will not fear any longer, for my God is beside me. He is righteous, He is called Faithful, for He is the Faithful Father; He can not deny Himself... My God and My King! I cry out to you! Hasten to Your servant, Your son, for Your Beloved cries out to you this night and the next. I will anxiously wait for You in the morning, yes, my soul anxiously waits for my Groom to return. I long for You my Jesus, my God, my King, my Beloved.
Why does the Lord make me wait upon Him? How I long for You my Beloved Savior!
How I desire to see You face to face, and be embraced by Your loving arms forever in eternal bliss, in the land of milk and honey, in the land of forever peace and mercy.
How my eyes long to gaze upon the golden gates of heaven, knowing that the works of these hands have built everlasting treasure in the everlasting House of the everlasting One, the great I AM! Oh Lord don’t have me wait too long, for my soul is weary and eyes are dry from tears. The Enemy mocks me and accuses me day and night, oppressing the righteous and confusing the truth lover. Oh Lord please do not wait long, for my soul and my heart pants for you, my eyes run rivers of tears in hope, for I know I will yet again praise Your Name, for though I am hungry now, I know You. You who are called faithful… You will fill me yet again. I will see You again. I will not fear any longer, for my God is beside me. He is righteous, He is called Faithful, for He is the Faithful Father; He can not deny Himself... My God and My King! I cry out to you! Hasten to Your servant, Your son, for Your Beloved cries out to you this night and the next. I will anxiously wait for You in the morning, yes, my soul anxiously waits for my Groom to return. I long for You my Jesus, my God, my King, my Beloved.
A Teenage Pharisee
When I was 19...
"It's a sad thing when friends turn from one another. It is sad when a person's religion, is the line that is drawn between two lovers, or two friends, or even two family members. You see, there was a time when Christians tried to justify segregation between whites and blacks, by arguing that Negroes were inferior by nature because of Noah's curse on the children of Ham. But we are taught that this is wrong, and we can all see that now, now that it has already happened. We can all say with confidence that in Christ "there is neither Jew nor Gentile, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female, for we are all one in Christ Jesus."
You would have said this to those who were racist, correct? To those who you would say didn't "know better"? But there is something that is still in question, because there is still segregation among us, among the church, among believers, although we claim to "know better". It is not racial, nor sexist...but a segregation within the Body of Christ. This is not new, and it never was. There has been more than 250 denominations within Protestantism in America, and it's still going. The true Body of Christ has no denominations, no divisions, no quarrels, no gray, just black and white, just truth.
The segregation comes from the danger of claiming to know more than another. This claim turns into a "spiritual arrogance" as MLK put it, that a man or woman who sits at his or her church, lifting their arms high in the air praising the Lord, believes that he or she is actually BETTER than the person next to them. Don't get this confused, everybody will say they are not perfect, this is not what I said, I said BETTER, not perfect. I know you don't think you're perfect, I know. But try and picture a Pharisee today, picture a church leader, a club leader, a praise leader, a person who is always in the front of the church, who is on time every Sunday, who goes to every small group, every retreat, every revival, every rally, every missions...picture this. And seeing this man having a full resume of "good deeds", it is not hard to believe that he would be arrogant, that he would see himself being a little bit "better", a little bit more "qualified" to sit at the Right Hand of God than a man who is lacking in these "church credentials".
And as a very simple example, imagine a person who has claimed to have been a christian all his life, who also has a full resume of "good deeds", sees another man showing up to his church on Sunday's sporadically, inconsistently, always late, and always in the back row. What would he think? What did you think? You see it was never the deed that made a Christian, but the faith. And yes, faith without deeds is dead, but it has to start with faith. That man who did all those great things for the church was spiritually dead, he believed that every good deed he did, he became that much of a better person, and began falling in love with himself, and did it for that exact reason. And as he grew older, he started doing more and more, for the sake of being recognized in the church as a person of integrity, because it felt good believing he was righteous, not perfect, but righteous. And I can see this in many of you, I can see it in your eyes, your talk, in your actions, through your "white-washed tombs".
How? How can you claim to see so much? Because that was me, I was that man. I tell you this through writing, because I know it will hurt you if I personally said it, because then you would believe I was judging you, and my integrity in your mind would become lower than it already was, and nothing would come of it. I saw you looking at me when I was high, when I was at those parties, when I was with those girls, fulfilling my temporal desires as a human. And I saw you look down on me. And I believed you. I believed you were better than me, because I once believed I was better than you.
And to some of you I wish I could just say it, because I know reading this will not change you, reading this will not make you realize that you have been lying to yourself for so long. It took me two years of loneliness, emptiness, drugs and more drugs, and a man from my church that helped me realize this(u know who u are), and I thank you. He also helped me realize I had turned back into that same person, that I once again looked down on those who use to be like me, going back to the danger of claiming to knowing more than another, to know absolute truth. And to those of you who are in a position in your church to speak out, personally, face to face, with that person you know is not true, is a Pharisee, then speak out. Tell them. Don't let them nod their heads and go on with their business like they'll be nodding their heads if they read this...you know they'll agree with everything you say. But they don't believe it. Be blunt, be clear, above all pray. I may be young, but this much I know."
"It's a sad thing when friends turn from one another. It is sad when a person's religion, is the line that is drawn between two lovers, or two friends, or even two family members. You see, there was a time when Christians tried to justify segregation between whites and blacks, by arguing that Negroes were inferior by nature because of Noah's curse on the children of Ham. But we are taught that this is wrong, and we can all see that now, now that it has already happened. We can all say with confidence that in Christ "there is neither Jew nor Gentile, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female, for we are all one in Christ Jesus."
You would have said this to those who were racist, correct? To those who you would say didn't "know better"? But there is something that is still in question, because there is still segregation among us, among the church, among believers, although we claim to "know better". It is not racial, nor sexist...but a segregation within the Body of Christ. This is not new, and it never was. There has been more than 250 denominations within Protestantism in America, and it's still going. The true Body of Christ has no denominations, no divisions, no quarrels, no gray, just black and white, just truth.
The segregation comes from the danger of claiming to know more than another. This claim turns into a "spiritual arrogance" as MLK put it, that a man or woman who sits at his or her church, lifting their arms high in the air praising the Lord, believes that he or she is actually BETTER than the person next to them. Don't get this confused, everybody will say they are not perfect, this is not what I said, I said BETTER, not perfect. I know you don't think you're perfect, I know. But try and picture a Pharisee today, picture a church leader, a club leader, a praise leader, a person who is always in the front of the church, who is on time every Sunday, who goes to every small group, every retreat, every revival, every rally, every missions...picture this. And seeing this man having a full resume of "good deeds", it is not hard to believe that he would be arrogant, that he would see himself being a little bit "better", a little bit more "qualified" to sit at the Right Hand of God than a man who is lacking in these "church credentials".
And as a very simple example, imagine a person who has claimed to have been a christian all his life, who also has a full resume of "good deeds", sees another man showing up to his church on Sunday's sporadically, inconsistently, always late, and always in the back row. What would he think? What did you think? You see it was never the deed that made a Christian, but the faith. And yes, faith without deeds is dead, but it has to start with faith. That man who did all those great things for the church was spiritually dead, he believed that every good deed he did, he became that much of a better person, and began falling in love with himself, and did it for that exact reason. And as he grew older, he started doing more and more, for the sake of being recognized in the church as a person of integrity, because it felt good believing he was righteous, not perfect, but righteous. And I can see this in many of you, I can see it in your eyes, your talk, in your actions, through your "white-washed tombs".
How? How can you claim to see so much? Because that was me, I was that man. I tell you this through writing, because I know it will hurt you if I personally said it, because then you would believe I was judging you, and my integrity in your mind would become lower than it already was, and nothing would come of it. I saw you looking at me when I was high, when I was at those parties, when I was with those girls, fulfilling my temporal desires as a human. And I saw you look down on me. And I believed you. I believed you were better than me, because I once believed I was better than you.
And to some of you I wish I could just say it, because I know reading this will not change you, reading this will not make you realize that you have been lying to yourself for so long. It took me two years of loneliness, emptiness, drugs and more drugs, and a man from my church that helped me realize this(u know who u are), and I thank you. He also helped me realize I had turned back into that same person, that I once again looked down on those who use to be like me, going back to the danger of claiming to knowing more than another, to know absolute truth. And to those of you who are in a position in your church to speak out, personally, face to face, with that person you know is not true, is a Pharisee, then speak out. Tell them. Don't let them nod their heads and go on with their business like they'll be nodding their heads if they read this...you know they'll agree with everything you say. But they don't believe it. Be blunt, be clear, above all pray. I may be young, but this much I know."
When My Friends Didn't Like Me
There was a time in my life when I heard that many of my friends were quietly upset with me. I had gotten under their skin without even knowing it, and the fruit I had grown was selfishness and a hunger to have my own way, and the root of it was my pride. I asked one of my closest friends, "How come nobody said this to me?" He replied "Because Andy, your pride always caused arguments, and your rhetoric never allowed for anything to happen." I promised him I would keep my mouth shut when he would speak to me of these issues from here on out, and I made him promise me that day to always, always tell me the truth from now on. From then on, I regularly asked him "Did I do it again? Please tell me. Am I doing anything else wrong? Please tell me. You are all valuable to me. Forgive me." As painful as this pruning process was, it was necessary, and one that I continually go over to this day.
"When did we let evil become stronger than us?" -Tauriel, the Hobbit. When did we let ourselves believe that we no longer needed accountability? This implies an arrogance beyond correction; the belief that one needs no correction. This implies a weakness of the heart and the mind; the inability to hear the truth that disables our ability to turn TO the truth.
One day, after praying for a week straight about a certain pressing issue in my life, the Lord answered me at the end of the week through a friend I had not spoken to in years, by a dream he had of me, regarding that exact same issue. One thing he said to me was "I had not seen you in a long time, but when we sat down together, I saw an Andy I had never seen before, the most humble Andy I ever imagined." After thanking God for this, I prayed to Him again saying "Oh Lord, how I desire this, how I long to be this humble man that I never believed I could be, and was unable to do in the vigor and passion of my youth... Father, make me holy like You."
Many of you know I have been pastoring a group of college students that I have come to love dearly, as a father loves and cares for his own, and I imagine it is some of you that are reading this blog. I tell you the truth, there have been many moments with some of them that have been difficult, where in my youth my pride and anger would have bested me, and the Enemy would have won the day. Yet the only reason the Lord has appointed me to be their pastor, is because of this pruning process I undertook many moons ago, and continue on to this day. Any pastor who claims to be perfect, is a liar, and a dangerous man/woman who is vulnerable to become as the pharisees were in the days of Jesus. One thing I learned from my youth pastor Johnny, was his humility. How difficult it must have been for him to deal with kids like me and my peers in our teens! I never realized it then, but walking a mile in his shoes has opened my eyes and he has gained even more of my respect.
Is not a friend who tells the truth better than an enemy who tells lies? For one who tells lies is an enemy, and the clever ones guise themselves as friends. Beloved I tell you now, to speak truth to one another in love, that you may grow up in every way to be like the Master (Eph 4:15), removing the planks out of your own eyes to clearly remove the specks in your friends'. And this is not to hurt your friends, to ridicule them, or to lord yourself over them as if you wanted to become the "wise sage" of your group (it is God who will appoint that one)... but to reveal a sin to a friend is to draw out the admission of their sin that can bring about their repentance and salvation.
Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. - Proverbs 28:13
Be of good courage, go forth and speak to them truth in love, in gentleness, in humility, knowing you are no better than any other, for "Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment." -Proverbs 28:13 God is love.
"When did we let evil become stronger than us?" -Tauriel, the Hobbit. When did we let ourselves believe that we no longer needed accountability? This implies an arrogance beyond correction; the belief that one needs no correction. This implies a weakness of the heart and the mind; the inability to hear the truth that disables our ability to turn TO the truth.
One day, after praying for a week straight about a certain pressing issue in my life, the Lord answered me at the end of the week through a friend I had not spoken to in years, by a dream he had of me, regarding that exact same issue. One thing he said to me was "I had not seen you in a long time, but when we sat down together, I saw an Andy I had never seen before, the most humble Andy I ever imagined." After thanking God for this, I prayed to Him again saying "Oh Lord, how I desire this, how I long to be this humble man that I never believed I could be, and was unable to do in the vigor and passion of my youth... Father, make me holy like You."
Many of you know I have been pastoring a group of college students that I have come to love dearly, as a father loves and cares for his own, and I imagine it is some of you that are reading this blog. I tell you the truth, there have been many moments with some of them that have been difficult, where in my youth my pride and anger would have bested me, and the Enemy would have won the day. Yet the only reason the Lord has appointed me to be their pastor, is because of this pruning process I undertook many moons ago, and continue on to this day. Any pastor who claims to be perfect, is a liar, and a dangerous man/woman who is vulnerable to become as the pharisees were in the days of Jesus. One thing I learned from my youth pastor Johnny, was his humility. How difficult it must have been for him to deal with kids like me and my peers in our teens! I never realized it then, but walking a mile in his shoes has opened my eyes and he has gained even more of my respect.
Is not a friend who tells the truth better than an enemy who tells lies? For one who tells lies is an enemy, and the clever ones guise themselves as friends. Beloved I tell you now, to speak truth to one another in love, that you may grow up in every way to be like the Master (Eph 4:15), removing the planks out of your own eyes to clearly remove the specks in your friends'. And this is not to hurt your friends, to ridicule them, or to lord yourself over them as if you wanted to become the "wise sage" of your group (it is God who will appoint that one)... but to reveal a sin to a friend is to draw out the admission of their sin that can bring about their repentance and salvation.
Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. - Proverbs 28:13
Be of good courage, go forth and speak to them truth in love, in gentleness, in humility, knowing you are no better than any other, for "Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment." -Proverbs 28:13 God is love.
Is There More?
Do you ever notice it's easier to believe the bad stuff about yourself, than the good? I mean, it's easy to believe it when people put you down, and it's even easier to listen to the whispers in your head telling you you're lower than what you really are. The Bible speaks of us as "sons and daughters of the Lord Almighty," (2 Cor 6), but it takes long hours of constant reminder to make a person truly realize who they really are. If we keep a person in prison long enough, they will eventually believe that they belong there, even if they do not. That's why the apostle Paul tells us to keep our minds set on heavenly things (Col 3), on our future place of glory and ever-increasing wonder and amazement (2 Cor 5), living in the heavenly realm where beaches never end and the skies are so beautiful they set you free every time you take in a breathe, staring into a vastness with no beginning or end... Can you imagine the beauty that awaits us? My heart longs for that place called Heaven, the place where the Perfect One dwells and we along with Him... truly, our imaginations have a greater purpose than to dwell on the things below in the world. How often do we fill our minds with songs and stories that only take us to the tallest mountains on earth, yet even the highest places in the world are lower than the lowest places among the stars... and beloved, we were meant for the stars.
There was once a very popular story called "Pretty Woman", about a prostitute who, being found by a very wealthy and noble man, falls in love and remembers the person she truly is that she had long ago forgotten. Coming from a troubled past, the lack of a loving father and the discouragement of a bitter mother, she went from man to man only to find that she believed she was worth no more than what she had been told all her life, attracting unruly, cruel, and merciless men. Yet when this good man came to her, he saw beauty in her she once only dreamt about in the dreams of her youth, and slowly she began to change in a way she never knew was possible; she changed the way she saw herself… as a person meant to be truly loved. Perhaps it was the new clothes he bought for her, or perhaps it was the frequent meals she had that were not out of Chinese take-out boxes… or it just may have been the dignity she was treated with that was due to her as a child of the living God, I mean, after all...
We are all equal under the sun.
Whatever it was, this man saw a light and beauty that awaited her, a light that was dying to be set free, washing over fields of gold and spilling over mountain tops and sapphire blue lakes on warm summer mornings…
For no light is meant to be hidden.
She recalls the time when she was a little girl being punished by her mother, trapped in the basement, dreaming of a knight in shining armor that would come and rescue her from the evil queen. And when the generous man offers to buy her an apartment and a car and take her off the streets, she refuses him. Why? She refuses him because she no longer wanted to be treated as someone’s property, she refused him because she knew what she was worth, and it was more than any amount of money could ever buy. For knights in shining armor never come for mistresses to put up in penthouse suites, but comes for the beautiful princess he will one day make his bride. This movie captured the hearts of millions because there was a part in every one of us that was waiting for a knight to come and rescue us. Yet are we worth saving? Are you? One by one, the wicked queens and dragons come knocking, reminding us of our chains, for freedom is meant only for the free.
My dear friend… You have dreamt dreams too, haven’t you? Perhaps you were young, and perhaps you have convinced yourself that dreams are just for kids, and that we’ve “grown out of it." But my dear friend, the beauty of children is their capacity not only to dream, but to believe in those dreams and live them out as free spirits. It is as if their innocence realized a greater blessing than our knowledge ever offered; faith. My dear friend, let your heart stir tonight, for you are worth more than what you have come to believe about yourself, for you were not meant to search for happy moment after happy moment as a person constantly needing to draw water from a well, but you were meant to be filled with happiness, a spring of water bursting inside of you that is not finite but infinite… for how many people once dared to dream of eternal bliss?
Didn't you?
One day, just as this woman saw, a knight in shining armor came to rescue us, yet this knight was not dressed in armor clad by iron or steel; His armor was clothed in heavenly light, a light the world could not see or touch... And He did not ride on a beautiful stallion made for the fading kings of the earth, but on a humble colt, showing us the Kingdom of Heaven is not found in the precious things of earth, but humanity must be found again by the precious things of Heaven; He is the Lamb that was slain for the sins of all the world. He came to take away the pain, the hunger, the fear of damnation, and free us from our mistakes and the guilt that haunts us so. He comes in the Name of love and the Name of God Himself, a Joy giver that never stops giving, and leaves us with a Message of true, unfiltered, unedited, and completely perfected, love. He is Jesus Christ, and there is none like Him. He loves, He forgives, He is patient and ready and willing to heal… for He did not come for the self-righteous, the proud who claim on rooftops they need no help yet cower away in their cold rooms lying alone on their cold beds… no, He is the one who gives grace and mercies to the humble, who carved out the rivers and the oceans with so much beauty and light that we can see glimpses of what is to come, so we would thirst for more than water, and seek that which is greater. Come and see Him while He knocks on your door, for you are no stranger to Him... you are His son, His daughter, and He has been waiting for you for a very long time. Come home now.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." John 3:16-17
There was once a very popular story called "Pretty Woman", about a prostitute who, being found by a very wealthy and noble man, falls in love and remembers the person she truly is that she had long ago forgotten. Coming from a troubled past, the lack of a loving father and the discouragement of a bitter mother, she went from man to man only to find that she believed she was worth no more than what she had been told all her life, attracting unruly, cruel, and merciless men. Yet when this good man came to her, he saw beauty in her she once only dreamt about in the dreams of her youth, and slowly she began to change in a way she never knew was possible; she changed the way she saw herself… as a person meant to be truly loved. Perhaps it was the new clothes he bought for her, or perhaps it was the frequent meals she had that were not out of Chinese take-out boxes… or it just may have been the dignity she was treated with that was due to her as a child of the living God, I mean, after all...
We are all equal under the sun.
Whatever it was, this man saw a light and beauty that awaited her, a light that was dying to be set free, washing over fields of gold and spilling over mountain tops and sapphire blue lakes on warm summer mornings…
For no light is meant to be hidden.
She recalls the time when she was a little girl being punished by her mother, trapped in the basement, dreaming of a knight in shining armor that would come and rescue her from the evil queen. And when the generous man offers to buy her an apartment and a car and take her off the streets, she refuses him. Why? She refuses him because she no longer wanted to be treated as someone’s property, she refused him because she knew what she was worth, and it was more than any amount of money could ever buy. For knights in shining armor never come for mistresses to put up in penthouse suites, but comes for the beautiful princess he will one day make his bride. This movie captured the hearts of millions because there was a part in every one of us that was waiting for a knight to come and rescue us. Yet are we worth saving? Are you? One by one, the wicked queens and dragons come knocking, reminding us of our chains, for freedom is meant only for the free.
My dear friend… You have dreamt dreams too, haven’t you? Perhaps you were young, and perhaps you have convinced yourself that dreams are just for kids, and that we’ve “grown out of it." But my dear friend, the beauty of children is their capacity not only to dream, but to believe in those dreams and live them out as free spirits. It is as if their innocence realized a greater blessing than our knowledge ever offered; faith. My dear friend, let your heart stir tonight, for you are worth more than what you have come to believe about yourself, for you were not meant to search for happy moment after happy moment as a person constantly needing to draw water from a well, but you were meant to be filled with happiness, a spring of water bursting inside of you that is not finite but infinite… for how many people once dared to dream of eternal bliss?
Didn't you?
One day, just as this woman saw, a knight in shining armor came to rescue us, yet this knight was not dressed in armor clad by iron or steel; His armor was clothed in heavenly light, a light the world could not see or touch... And He did not ride on a beautiful stallion made for the fading kings of the earth, but on a humble colt, showing us the Kingdom of Heaven is not found in the precious things of earth, but humanity must be found again by the precious things of Heaven; He is the Lamb that was slain for the sins of all the world. He came to take away the pain, the hunger, the fear of damnation, and free us from our mistakes and the guilt that haunts us so. He comes in the Name of love and the Name of God Himself, a Joy giver that never stops giving, and leaves us with a Message of true, unfiltered, unedited, and completely perfected, love. He is Jesus Christ, and there is none like Him. He loves, He forgives, He is patient and ready and willing to heal… for He did not come for the self-righteous, the proud who claim on rooftops they need no help yet cower away in their cold rooms lying alone on their cold beds… no, He is the one who gives grace and mercies to the humble, who carved out the rivers and the oceans with so much beauty and light that we can see glimpses of what is to come, so we would thirst for more than water, and seek that which is greater. Come and see Him while He knocks on your door, for you are no stranger to Him... you are His son, His daughter, and He has been waiting for you for a very long time. Come home now.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." John 3:16-17
When Our Strength Fails Us
Recently, it seems I have run into several people around me, who feel they have lost a reason for living. I hope this letter, is more than just a letter, but a stirring in your heart to know that when your strength fails, there is a greater hope in which all people can turn to, to find hope.
"I find myself always looking to be inspired, to feel something, to actually have something better to say to people than just, "I'm ok". To actually say that my life was lived and I did something with it, that I actually inspired people, that I helped people grow into the butterfly that flutters outside their window, that I am someone worth mentioning, and not worth mentioning at all.
That my life was worth living.
I know we all say that ambition is important, but more important than ambition is what that ambition is. One would say Martin Luther King Jr. was very ambitious, a charismatic visionary, a man who would not yield to the predominant public opinion that blacks (or any other race) were inferior to someone born with pale skin. We would also say that Adolf Hitler was also very ambitious, a charismatic visionary, a man who would not yield to the predominant public opinion that germans were inferior to someone born in another wealthier country. Hitler's ambition was to prove that the Aryan race was greater than all of mankind. MLK's ambition was to prove that all races were equal under God.
I look in my heart and around me and I see us, our young generation, where so many are of us are still lost in our ambitions. Too afraid to look into the mirror that even when we do look, we keep one eye closed. Driven by our fears, blinded by our goals and "how to" lifestyle, so enamored with the thought of being on top of that ladder that that ladder has become the most important thing in our lives. Confused and broken, we've forgotten that life is more important than money, the body more important than clothes. No one says they live for wealth, but 98% of the American country live as if it is. We need money, but what is the ambition driving us? Why do so many people in this country hate their job? Or their boss? Wish they had a raise in pay? Why do so many people, given more money, continue to desire more? Is it so hard to see that we are so easily driven by our fears, or our desire for pleasure? And to what end? Our fear of being poor, our fear of looking bad in front of our friends, the pleasure of being rich, the pleasure of looking good in front of our friends... Holding onto something that speaks nothing of truth or love, our climbing has stripped us of our very essence because we are no longer ourselves. We have become our pleasures, we have become a product of our fears.
I have a dream too. I have a dream that one day I will live a life that is filled with good fruit, with love and compassion, understanding and wisdom, that though the worries of this life have laid a heavy burden on our shoulders, that it will not lay it's grip on our throats and choke our every breathe. And I know this worry, and I know you know it too. We've seen multi-billionaires jump off 30 story buildings after their company went bankrupt, and 60 year old farmers who gave 99% of their money away (over a million dollars) to start a ministry for troubled kids who felt just like we do now; afraid. So where is the heart of this country? Where is our soul?
I use-to sit high atop my horse living every day as if I was immortal, following every desire and pleasure that was in my heart, making my own rules, searching only for the next high... and for 5 years I lived in an ocean of fear and pleasure... only to find that the sparkling blue ocean I had sailed my ship on was an unforgiving desert... and the water I was drinking was grains of sand, seeping through my fingers...
So where will I go now in this place? Will I die here just as I lay? Or will I seek out the truth and beauty that is in my life? I see only one set of footprints in the sand now.. Carry me through oh God, carry me through..."
"For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." -John 3:17
"I find myself always looking to be inspired, to feel something, to actually have something better to say to people than just, "I'm ok". To actually say that my life was lived and I did something with it, that I actually inspired people, that I helped people grow into the butterfly that flutters outside their window, that I am someone worth mentioning, and not worth mentioning at all.
That my life was worth living.
I know we all say that ambition is important, but more important than ambition is what that ambition is. One would say Martin Luther King Jr. was very ambitious, a charismatic visionary, a man who would not yield to the predominant public opinion that blacks (or any other race) were inferior to someone born with pale skin. We would also say that Adolf Hitler was also very ambitious, a charismatic visionary, a man who would not yield to the predominant public opinion that germans were inferior to someone born in another wealthier country. Hitler's ambition was to prove that the Aryan race was greater than all of mankind. MLK's ambition was to prove that all races were equal under God.
I look in my heart and around me and I see us, our young generation, where so many are of us are still lost in our ambitions. Too afraid to look into the mirror that even when we do look, we keep one eye closed. Driven by our fears, blinded by our goals and "how to" lifestyle, so enamored with the thought of being on top of that ladder that that ladder has become the most important thing in our lives. Confused and broken, we've forgotten that life is more important than money, the body more important than clothes. No one says they live for wealth, but 98% of the American country live as if it is. We need money, but what is the ambition driving us? Why do so many people in this country hate their job? Or their boss? Wish they had a raise in pay? Why do so many people, given more money, continue to desire more? Is it so hard to see that we are so easily driven by our fears, or our desire for pleasure? And to what end? Our fear of being poor, our fear of looking bad in front of our friends, the pleasure of being rich, the pleasure of looking good in front of our friends... Holding onto something that speaks nothing of truth or love, our climbing has stripped us of our very essence because we are no longer ourselves. We have become our pleasures, we have become a product of our fears.
I have a dream too. I have a dream that one day I will live a life that is filled with good fruit, with love and compassion, understanding and wisdom, that though the worries of this life have laid a heavy burden on our shoulders, that it will not lay it's grip on our throats and choke our every breathe. And I know this worry, and I know you know it too. We've seen multi-billionaires jump off 30 story buildings after their company went bankrupt, and 60 year old farmers who gave 99% of their money away (over a million dollars) to start a ministry for troubled kids who felt just like we do now; afraid. So where is the heart of this country? Where is our soul?
I use-to sit high atop my horse living every day as if I was immortal, following every desire and pleasure that was in my heart, making my own rules, searching only for the next high... and for 5 years I lived in an ocean of fear and pleasure... only to find that the sparkling blue ocean I had sailed my ship on was an unforgiving desert... and the water I was drinking was grains of sand, seeping through my fingers...
So where will I go now in this place? Will I die here just as I lay? Or will I seek out the truth and beauty that is in my life? I see only one set of footprints in the sand now.. Carry me through oh God, carry me through..."
"For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." -John 3:17
You Believed When You Were Young
I remember you so vividly. At times I could sit back and drift and literally "feel" the memories of the past, and I could always remember you in particular. I remember there were moments when I, being older than you, use to take advice from you. I remember you use to encourage me greatly, consistently, lifting me up when my spirits were low and keeping me on earth when my emotions were too high. You use to keep me in your prayers constantly, opening your Bible and being faithful to most all the promises you made... each night you would pray for courage and guidance for the following day at school; high school life wasn't always easy, if you remember. You use to look up to many great people, and some treated you well, and others not so well... but you never lost it. You never lost your faith. You were so full of faith and joy. God I use to see your joy radiate from your smile, and with just one look I'd catch myself smiling back.. without even knowing why..
I remember how much you loved to worship God. I remember how passionate you would get when you would sing, in front of the entire church, with everyone around, you would sing your heart out to Jesus, because you knew in your heart and your soul how much He truly loved you. Do you remember those days? You never cared what others thought of you, but you didn't hate the gossipers.. you rose above them by serving them, being humble around them knowing you were guilty too, and always trying to help them. Do you remember?
The days when you were loved...
Time passes quickly, doesn't it? It's been over a decade since those days, and if I asked you to, you could still probably remember the color of the walls in the chapel, the long red pews lining up like solar panels drinking up the light of the sun.. and it was in those short, powerful moments that you use to know that you would never leave Him, because you knew He would never leave you. You were so confident then. The days went on and the years passed, and you found many of your peers straying off, veering into dark corners of the world... following their dreams and ambitions most of our parents laid out for us, and before you even knew what happened... you ended up in a place you never imagined.
Uncertain.
You were always so honest to me, and if I may be so bold as to honor you by giving you that same honor, why are you where you are? Most people, young or old, never like to admit they are uncertain, that most times out of the day when they sit and think, they truly realize they're not as sure as they wished, and are always trying to catch the white rabbit they continually miss... but this isn't an interview, and no one is asking you any questions that they'll hear the answers to.. so truly, why are you lost?
I'm not better than you. You know that. I know that better than anyone. I know all the things I had done. Bad things. Terrible things. Things that were difficult for me to lay out on the table and analyze. But I did it. It was painful. I wasn't really one to cry a lot, but I wept, bitter tears. I wept because I had no one, and I knew that even those that I had, it was imperfect. I mean, I'm imperfect too, but that's not what I mean. The love I had never seemed enough. I always wanted more. No wait, that's not right... I always needed more. But it was never enough! I strived and strived and begged and begged... and they would always throw me a crumb, just enough to keep me at their beck and call. I went to those parties. I know you. You're not fulfilled getting drunk on the weekends and going to those parties hopefully catching yourself with a famous person to put on your Instagram. That's not enough for you. You're not fulfilled at your job either, are you? There's always another ladder to climb... another person to try not to envy.
If you and I were meant to live in such a way, which is what the world would certainly lead us to do, then I don't see why we're always asking for more. If we're just animals, then why has mankind since the beginning of written history always had eternity in inscribed in their hearts? How can someone bound by time even have a concept of something being outside of it?
Do you want to be free?
You're not like me. You don't need "proof." You weren't made that way. You live by following your heart. So when you look... deep down... I mean deep down, to the very bottom of your heart of hearts... when you've hit rock bottom and there's no more "bottomer" place to go.. what does your heart tell you? Even when I was doing all the bad things I was doing... when I was alone in my room, and I searched deep down to that lowest of places in my heart... I knew Jesus was real. I knew He was the Son of God. It's true. Romans 1.
I hated it, don't get me wrong, and I know right now, you probably hate it too. But Jesus doesn't hate you. Isn't that interesting? As much as I denied Him and spit on Him and persecuted and ridiculed His followers, church goers, cussed them out and drank to their misery... I realized, that no matter what I did, I couldn't take away what He did. You can't change the past. You use to tell me that. You can't change the past. Well, you were right.
I couldn't change the Cross.
Oh my dear friend, how much He has waiting for you.. how much He loves you, you and I will never fully know.. but would you do me a favor? When He calls on you again, it will be the quietest whisper venting in your soul... and the loudest knock you hear on your door... because He won't be hiding behind a mask or putting on a front for you. This isn't a show and it's not a dream; this is your life... and You'll know that it's Him. You'll know because you use to love Him... you were madly in love with Him...
He was your first love.
“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep." John 10:15
Oh my friend, He is jealous for you. He died for you because it would last for all time, eternal and undimmed by the fading glory of this world.. and even though you're uncertain right now, even though you're shaking... just know... that He loves you... and cares for you very, very much. You were never gone, you just went away for a little while is all. Come home now.
I remember how much you loved to worship God. I remember how passionate you would get when you would sing, in front of the entire church, with everyone around, you would sing your heart out to Jesus, because you knew in your heart and your soul how much He truly loved you. Do you remember those days? You never cared what others thought of you, but you didn't hate the gossipers.. you rose above them by serving them, being humble around them knowing you were guilty too, and always trying to help them. Do you remember?
The days when you were loved...
Time passes quickly, doesn't it? It's been over a decade since those days, and if I asked you to, you could still probably remember the color of the walls in the chapel, the long red pews lining up like solar panels drinking up the light of the sun.. and it was in those short, powerful moments that you use to know that you would never leave Him, because you knew He would never leave you. You were so confident then. The days went on and the years passed, and you found many of your peers straying off, veering into dark corners of the world... following their dreams and ambitions most of our parents laid out for us, and before you even knew what happened... you ended up in a place you never imagined.
Uncertain.
You were always so honest to me, and if I may be so bold as to honor you by giving you that same honor, why are you where you are? Most people, young or old, never like to admit they are uncertain, that most times out of the day when they sit and think, they truly realize they're not as sure as they wished, and are always trying to catch the white rabbit they continually miss... but this isn't an interview, and no one is asking you any questions that they'll hear the answers to.. so truly, why are you lost?
I'm not better than you. You know that. I know that better than anyone. I know all the things I had done. Bad things. Terrible things. Things that were difficult for me to lay out on the table and analyze. But I did it. It was painful. I wasn't really one to cry a lot, but I wept, bitter tears. I wept because I had no one, and I knew that even those that I had, it was imperfect. I mean, I'm imperfect too, but that's not what I mean. The love I had never seemed enough. I always wanted more. No wait, that's not right... I always needed more. But it was never enough! I strived and strived and begged and begged... and they would always throw me a crumb, just enough to keep me at their beck and call. I went to those parties. I know you. You're not fulfilled getting drunk on the weekends and going to those parties hopefully catching yourself with a famous person to put on your Instagram. That's not enough for you. You're not fulfilled at your job either, are you? There's always another ladder to climb... another person to try not to envy.
If you and I were meant to live in such a way, which is what the world would certainly lead us to do, then I don't see why we're always asking for more. If we're just animals, then why has mankind since the beginning of written history always had eternity in inscribed in their hearts? How can someone bound by time even have a concept of something being outside of it?
Do you want to be free?
You're not like me. You don't need "proof." You weren't made that way. You live by following your heart. So when you look... deep down... I mean deep down, to the very bottom of your heart of hearts... when you've hit rock bottom and there's no more "bottomer" place to go.. what does your heart tell you? Even when I was doing all the bad things I was doing... when I was alone in my room, and I searched deep down to that lowest of places in my heart... I knew Jesus was real. I knew He was the Son of God. It's true. Romans 1.
I hated it, don't get me wrong, and I know right now, you probably hate it too. But Jesus doesn't hate you. Isn't that interesting? As much as I denied Him and spit on Him and persecuted and ridiculed His followers, church goers, cussed them out and drank to their misery... I realized, that no matter what I did, I couldn't take away what He did. You can't change the past. You use to tell me that. You can't change the past. Well, you were right.
I couldn't change the Cross.
Oh my dear friend, how much He has waiting for you.. how much He loves you, you and I will never fully know.. but would you do me a favor? When He calls on you again, it will be the quietest whisper venting in your soul... and the loudest knock you hear on your door... because He won't be hiding behind a mask or putting on a front for you. This isn't a show and it's not a dream; this is your life... and You'll know that it's Him. You'll know because you use to love Him... you were madly in love with Him...
He was your first love.
“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep." John 10:15
Oh my friend, He is jealous for you. He died for you because it would last for all time, eternal and undimmed by the fading glory of this world.. and even though you're uncertain right now, even though you're shaking... just know... that He loves you... and cares for you very, very much. You were never gone, you just went away for a little while is all. Come home now.
Night Walker
It saddens me to see the pain that you have entered into. I know that it hurts, and that the pain seems like it will not subside. You have used many different methods to calm it down, including drugs, people, fits of happiness and moments of rage.. yet all of them are the types of happiness that leave you restless, seeking, in want, craving for more..
I look back at those days of mine where the sun was always too bright and the night couldn't come quicker; every day was exactly the same. I dreamt of a place where everyone was joyful, together, loving and accepting one another... and interestingly enough, consuming drugs to enhance their joy. I got it, but it was not as I had desired.
I looked around this large dark hill of people, mingling, talking, enjoying each other and the various drugs they were into... and soon the night closed with the dawning of the sun. Everyone's imperfections were noticed. Everybody ran to hide from the light. Those who did not hide, their flaws were completely exposed, some were even naked.. some were cheating on one another... others were talking behind their friends' backs, and none of them were filled with joy, for the light revealed everything, and soon.. the joy given to them by drugs and wild living in the night turned quickly into a depression too heavy to bear through the shining of the sun.
I ran and ran and ran, hiding inside of caves before the sun would set and the night would begin.. Every time the sun came up, I would sleep inside my cave, and at times, different ones, and others would be crowded in with me. It was a difficult time when daybreak came. It was uncomfortable, difficult to breathe... we feared judgment, fought amongst one another for spaces and pleasures... we had a moral code that we followed. My code is better than yours was the general notion among everybody. Everyone broke one another's code; it was simply a way to suit their own narrative.
We were gods.
Eventually joy turned to envy, envy turned to greed, and then came the fights. There was no real loyalty. It was all based around that which we all paid homage to; pleasure. No one cared more about anything but pleasure. We sought it out and went to the ends of the earth to get it. Our loyalty to one another stemmed around our loyalty to that pleasure. If anybody forsook that pleasure, we would eventually forsake them. "What business do we have with them anymore anyway?" we told ourselves.
I could see that in many places around the world, the idea was the same. Perhaps this is why vampire movies are so prevalent. The dark seems to be a "cool" place. The most fashionable cave today has not changed since the dawn of time. It is murky, difficult to see, confusing, and most of all, filled with blind men leading the blind. I saw it with my own eyes, or rather, my eyes had been darkened so that I was unable to open them in the midst of the sun. If it were not for the hand that led me during this time, I would not be with you now, writing to you, able to see, able to breathe freely in the summer breeze in the glow of the morning star that breathed in me new life.
It saddens me to see you entering into these caves of regret and remorse. To think the sun only reveals your weaknesses is a narrow point of view. Yes, it does do this, yet if you will stand there for a moment and soak in the heat of the sun, you will realize that it not only reveals truth; it burns away the dead things of the body, growing up into life within the soul. Someone once told me a seed must first die before it becomes a living, breathing thing; from death to life, a resurrection from the grave. You see, the light reveals truth, and the truth will set you free. No "daywalker" fears the night do they? Only nightwalkers fear the day. A vampire is very limited in its' fabled history; they die and burn in the light of the sun. Yet those who walk during the day do not burn in darkness. No, it is exactly here that they shine in the midst of darkness, and that is exactly what the Son does.
He radiates inside of you, and that which you receive during the day, while the light is still here, you will shine into the darkest areas of the earth. And you will do more than simply reveal people's sicknesses, flaws, greed, envy... you will change them forever. You will create sons of light from sons of darkness. They will not feed on the blood of people anymore but be eternally filled once and for all by the blood of the Son. They will not run and hide as they once did from the morning star, but they will run and embrace Him as the giver of Life, the giver of eternal joy and happiness. True, someone will tell you there is no life in the sun for night creatures such as yourselves. Yet I was a nightwalker once just like you, perhaps even more. And believe me when I tell you, it is impossible to see in the dark.
And you, having been freed, oh former member of the dark, will come out of your cave and enjoy the brilliance of the entire earth shining before you. You will run free through fields of gold, never hiding, for shame will drift away into a lost memory... and glory will suddenly become a reality, a reality you will never forget nor regret, for regret only comes when there is loss.. and you will never lose this glory, for the Son is eternal, and His glory lasts from age to age, and so will you. We will share in this glory, even now we do.
So rise up night walker! Awake!
It is time to shine like the sun.
"Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever." Revelation 22:1-5
I look back at those days of mine where the sun was always too bright and the night couldn't come quicker; every day was exactly the same. I dreamt of a place where everyone was joyful, together, loving and accepting one another... and interestingly enough, consuming drugs to enhance their joy. I got it, but it was not as I had desired.
I looked around this large dark hill of people, mingling, talking, enjoying each other and the various drugs they were into... and soon the night closed with the dawning of the sun. Everyone's imperfections were noticed. Everybody ran to hide from the light. Those who did not hide, their flaws were completely exposed, some were even naked.. some were cheating on one another... others were talking behind their friends' backs, and none of them were filled with joy, for the light revealed everything, and soon.. the joy given to them by drugs and wild living in the night turned quickly into a depression too heavy to bear through the shining of the sun.
I ran and ran and ran, hiding inside of caves before the sun would set and the night would begin.. Every time the sun came up, I would sleep inside my cave, and at times, different ones, and others would be crowded in with me. It was a difficult time when daybreak came. It was uncomfortable, difficult to breathe... we feared judgment, fought amongst one another for spaces and pleasures... we had a moral code that we followed. My code is better than yours was the general notion among everybody. Everyone broke one another's code; it was simply a way to suit their own narrative.
We were gods.
Eventually joy turned to envy, envy turned to greed, and then came the fights. There was no real loyalty. It was all based around that which we all paid homage to; pleasure. No one cared more about anything but pleasure. We sought it out and went to the ends of the earth to get it. Our loyalty to one another stemmed around our loyalty to that pleasure. If anybody forsook that pleasure, we would eventually forsake them. "What business do we have with them anymore anyway?" we told ourselves.
I could see that in many places around the world, the idea was the same. Perhaps this is why vampire movies are so prevalent. The dark seems to be a "cool" place. The most fashionable cave today has not changed since the dawn of time. It is murky, difficult to see, confusing, and most of all, filled with blind men leading the blind. I saw it with my own eyes, or rather, my eyes had been darkened so that I was unable to open them in the midst of the sun. If it were not for the hand that led me during this time, I would not be with you now, writing to you, able to see, able to breathe freely in the summer breeze in the glow of the morning star that breathed in me new life.
It saddens me to see you entering into these caves of regret and remorse. To think the sun only reveals your weaknesses is a narrow point of view. Yes, it does do this, yet if you will stand there for a moment and soak in the heat of the sun, you will realize that it not only reveals truth; it burns away the dead things of the body, growing up into life within the soul. Someone once told me a seed must first die before it becomes a living, breathing thing; from death to life, a resurrection from the grave. You see, the light reveals truth, and the truth will set you free. No "daywalker" fears the night do they? Only nightwalkers fear the day. A vampire is very limited in its' fabled history; they die and burn in the light of the sun. Yet those who walk during the day do not burn in darkness. No, it is exactly here that they shine in the midst of darkness, and that is exactly what the Son does.
He radiates inside of you, and that which you receive during the day, while the light is still here, you will shine into the darkest areas of the earth. And you will do more than simply reveal people's sicknesses, flaws, greed, envy... you will change them forever. You will create sons of light from sons of darkness. They will not feed on the blood of people anymore but be eternally filled once and for all by the blood of the Son. They will not run and hide as they once did from the morning star, but they will run and embrace Him as the giver of Life, the giver of eternal joy and happiness. True, someone will tell you there is no life in the sun for night creatures such as yourselves. Yet I was a nightwalker once just like you, perhaps even more. And believe me when I tell you, it is impossible to see in the dark.
And you, having been freed, oh former member of the dark, will come out of your cave and enjoy the brilliance of the entire earth shining before you. You will run free through fields of gold, never hiding, for shame will drift away into a lost memory... and glory will suddenly become a reality, a reality you will never forget nor regret, for regret only comes when there is loss.. and you will never lose this glory, for the Son is eternal, and His glory lasts from age to age, and so will you. We will share in this glory, even now we do.
So rise up night walker! Awake!
It is time to shine like the sun.
"Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever." Revelation 22:1-5
Where is the Love?
How often do we think of the lost? I mean really... when's the last time we wept over those who are destined for Hades? You see, whether you believe in God or don't, a person who truly believes in God doesn't only surround himself with entertainment and work. They don't only think about when the new movie's coming out, or when I get my next paycheck, or whose birthday is coming up next. These things have value, but isn’t there something greater than this, something greater than my own troubles? How often are we so concerned with our needs that we forget the needy? How often are we so concerned with our own salvation that we forget to preach to others? Isn't this heart, the heart of the Father? What about the people who are starving, wondering where they're going to find a clean source of water, who don't have the hope of eternity, lying on their death beds wondering what's going to happen to them next? When's the last time we wept over them? I prayed to the Lord,
"God forgive me! I do not love enough!
God forgive me! I sought after Your knowledge but did not seek after Your love!
God forgive me! I forgot that I am clothed in righteousness, a son of the Most High God!
God forgive me! I thought of attaining perfection and did not dwell upon Yours!”
God forgive me, truly, for in the midst of seeking out opportunities to minister, I forgot to minister to You.
Where is the love? Where has my love gone? I have cared only for myself and not the troubles of others. I told God that to be honest, I use to have such a greater burden than I do now. Francis Chan and his board of elders held a meeting once confessing all their sins to one another, most of their sins being that they use to love so much more than they do now. Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a song about the same thing. I didn't want to hide, I didn't want to front, I didn't want to act like I was better, but when I heard that I knew I was guilty of the same thing. So here's my question to you:
If we were shown a video of children dying, wasting away from water poisoning, drinking out of a puddle of mud you and I wouldn’t let our children step in, does that do anything for you? Prove it. A famous pastor once said to an American congregation, you can tell a lot about Christians by looking at their checkbook. Are you generous? How much money do we spend on toys and entertainment, compared to missions and feeding the poor, widows and orphans?
And you know something? I can't wait. I can't wait for God to show up and do His thing. I can't wait for Him to change our hearts. I don't want to sound mopey and sad. I can't wait for this because I know for a FACT that God is going to do this thing, He's going to move this country, this people, these hearts that have grown callous and cold (and He's doing it now). I can't wait for that to happen here. God hears the prayers of the righteous, and I know people who have wept and prayed over this country with me who I consider to be far better than I, and I know God is coming. I know your heart is going to change, as is mine, that we're going to continually be moving up towards heaven and not back down towards earth, our former way of living; we're gonna be freed of all the bondage and accusations that come from the Devil and walk in the glory of the Son. I know this because I know Him, or rather, because He knows me. And because He knows me and the Son laid down His life for me, my desire, oh Father in heaven, oh King of Kings, is to do the same for my brothers and sisters in need.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows. -Psalm 23:5
"God forgive me! I do not love enough!
God forgive me! I sought after Your knowledge but did not seek after Your love!
God forgive me! I forgot that I am clothed in righteousness, a son of the Most High God!
God forgive me! I thought of attaining perfection and did not dwell upon Yours!”
God forgive me, truly, for in the midst of seeking out opportunities to minister, I forgot to minister to You.
Where is the love? Where has my love gone? I have cared only for myself and not the troubles of others. I told God that to be honest, I use to have such a greater burden than I do now. Francis Chan and his board of elders held a meeting once confessing all their sins to one another, most of their sins being that they use to love so much more than they do now. Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a song about the same thing. I didn't want to hide, I didn't want to front, I didn't want to act like I was better, but when I heard that I knew I was guilty of the same thing. So here's my question to you:
If we were shown a video of children dying, wasting away from water poisoning, drinking out of a puddle of mud you and I wouldn’t let our children step in, does that do anything for you? Prove it. A famous pastor once said to an American congregation, you can tell a lot about Christians by looking at their checkbook. Are you generous? How much money do we spend on toys and entertainment, compared to missions and feeding the poor, widows and orphans?
And you know something? I can't wait. I can't wait for God to show up and do His thing. I can't wait for Him to change our hearts. I don't want to sound mopey and sad. I can't wait for this because I know for a FACT that God is going to do this thing, He's going to move this country, this people, these hearts that have grown callous and cold (and He's doing it now). I can't wait for that to happen here. God hears the prayers of the righteous, and I know people who have wept and prayed over this country with me who I consider to be far better than I, and I know God is coming. I know your heart is going to change, as is mine, that we're going to continually be moving up towards heaven and not back down towards earth, our former way of living; we're gonna be freed of all the bondage and accusations that come from the Devil and walk in the glory of the Son. I know this because I know Him, or rather, because He knows me. And because He knows me and the Son laid down His life for me, my desire, oh Father in heaven, oh King of Kings, is to do the same for my brothers and sisters in need.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows. -Psalm 23:5
The Love of a Father
I just got done watching the movie John Q.. you know, the one with Denzel Washington and it's the story where a father wants to die for his son? His son has an over-sized heart and is in need of a very expensive surgery, one that John Q can't afford. Not taking "no" for an answer, John takes the hospital hostage to operate on his son. Eventually he realizes that they need a heart to replace the over-sized one in his son, and John decides to let his son take his heart, to die so that his son can live... and with the obvious Christ-like implications in this story, I thought one scene was particularly interesting...
The doctor and the people in the hospital finally say to John Q (Denzel Washington) that he should just accept the fact that his son is going to die. But what does he say? He says his son is going to live, that he does NOT accept that, that he WON'T accept that.. ever. And it broke my heart.
It broke my heart because I began to think of how the conversation must have been like, in heaven, between our Father, the Son, and the angels. I began to wonder, "What must it have been like? What must they have said? What must some of the angels had said to Him?" To give up perhaps? To accept the fact that your children, that your sheep are hopeless, lost, and dead? That there is no turning back for them, that there is nothing that can save them... To accept that every last one of them will die, that every last one of us will spit in His face again if we had the chance... just forget it, it's not worth it, they don't deserve it... just face up, give up, and give in... For your children are lost... and can not be found.
To you who are reading this, I pray that joy, peace, and love enters your life... I pray that your heart breaks too, when God speaks to you (in all the ways that He does), that when you imagine how God must have stood up for us... tears of joy enter your eyes. How Jesus Christ, the Son, sitting at the right hand of God, must have stood up before the angels... and with power and authority, spoke to them... with nothing but pure... and true...
love.
His strength is perfect when ours is gone yes? His love for us is never-ending, it never fades, it never loses hope, it never fails us. It doesn't give up. It doesn't falter, it doesn't struggle, it doesn't fear, it doesn't regret, it doesn't doubt... it knows everything, it forgives yesterday, today and tomorrow... It gives us hope, it gives us joy, it gives us peace, it gives us comfort and shelter in times of hardship, it gives us unity... it gives us strength, it gives us purpose, and it gives us the truth. He is always there... watching us, with compassion and understanding, with love and mercy... He is watching us.
And through our denying of His love, through our denying of His existence, through our denying of the cross, through the suffering we caused by needing the cross, and through our cursing of the cross,
He was still hanging on that cross...
And so I hope that one day we all will see the cross, that you will see the dream that's been given to you, the road that lies ahead of you, and have the faith and courage that this great father had, and know that this faith started with God's faith...in you.
To end in His words,
"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." -Jesus Christ
The doctor and the people in the hospital finally say to John Q (Denzel Washington) that he should just accept the fact that his son is going to die. But what does he say? He says his son is going to live, that he does NOT accept that, that he WON'T accept that.. ever. And it broke my heart.
It broke my heart because I began to think of how the conversation must have been like, in heaven, between our Father, the Son, and the angels. I began to wonder, "What must it have been like? What must they have said? What must some of the angels had said to Him?" To give up perhaps? To accept the fact that your children, that your sheep are hopeless, lost, and dead? That there is no turning back for them, that there is nothing that can save them... To accept that every last one of them will die, that every last one of us will spit in His face again if we had the chance... just forget it, it's not worth it, they don't deserve it... just face up, give up, and give in... For your children are lost... and can not be found.
To you who are reading this, I pray that joy, peace, and love enters your life... I pray that your heart breaks too, when God speaks to you (in all the ways that He does), that when you imagine how God must have stood up for us... tears of joy enter your eyes. How Jesus Christ, the Son, sitting at the right hand of God, must have stood up before the angels... and with power and authority, spoke to them... with nothing but pure... and true...
love.
His strength is perfect when ours is gone yes? His love for us is never-ending, it never fades, it never loses hope, it never fails us. It doesn't give up. It doesn't falter, it doesn't struggle, it doesn't fear, it doesn't regret, it doesn't doubt... it knows everything, it forgives yesterday, today and tomorrow... It gives us hope, it gives us joy, it gives us peace, it gives us comfort and shelter in times of hardship, it gives us unity... it gives us strength, it gives us purpose, and it gives us the truth. He is always there... watching us, with compassion and understanding, with love and mercy... He is watching us.
And through our denying of His love, through our denying of His existence, through our denying of the cross, through the suffering we caused by needing the cross, and through our cursing of the cross,
He was still hanging on that cross...
And so I hope that one day we all will see the cross, that you will see the dream that's been given to you, the road that lies ahead of you, and have the faith and courage that this great father had, and know that this faith started with God's faith...in you.
To end in His words,
"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." -Jesus Christ
Ghost in the Mirror
I adore the shame and guilt of the weak. Can I help it if they print it all over their little faces? I like to bathe them in pity and narcissism, talking about how sad their lives have been, how terrible it was for them and how no one else is going through it but them. They think I'm their friend. It's what I do. At the end though, what I truly want... what really, really gets me fired up, is when they spit at their own reflection and take out that knife and pop open those pills... and say goodbye to the pain.
Because I am the Ghost in the Mirror, and I own every last one of them.
She never had too much to live for you know. It wasn't like I made her do it, we all have choices to make. I just pushed her in the right direction, that's all. It's not like that many people missed her after they found her hanging from an electrical cord, empty in her bedroom. For some reason, she had that crippling look in her eyes. That look where people could see the weakness and take out their own insecurities on her... spread rumors about her... even call her a whore.
And all the self-esteem she had in her was sucked dry by, well, yours truly.
It's like the ultimate lithium when parents don't care about their kids. Who needs drugs when you have negligent parents? And her parents even went so far as to set up strict moral guidelines to keep in the house. What's a 12 year old kid know? Discipline without love is punishment. Without love, rules are just a source of guilt and shame when they're broken. And they always get broken. How was she supposed to make friends coming from a home like that? Or get straight A's with no affection lingering from back home? I work well with parents like these. And more often than not, they had parents similar to themselves (though I never tell them out loud).
She sometimes prayed to God, but most of the “christian” friends around her were too shy to say anything, or too popular to risk anything. And it was real difficult getting through that thick European accent she had. And once all the rumors started, everyone wanted to join in. They didn't want to be left out, and they didn't want to be the one cast out either. The Simpsons weren't too far off when the people of Springfield were asking the man on the big t.v., “why should we listen to you?” Then the man said, “Because I'm a man on a big t.v., now listen up.” A person is smart, but people are sheep.
On rare occasions we got “those” kids who did end up blabbing about Jesus this, and Jesus that, He loves you, blah blah blah. But damn that name. I don't know a single demon out there on the field that doesn't shudder every time they hear it.
It hasn't been difficult getting kids out there to join our side either. Man they hear that word Jesus and curses just start flying outta their mouths. I mean they really, really hate it, and they don't even know why! How do you hate something you don't believe in? Curious, isn't it? That's exactly why my Father is called the Deceiver, the one who masquerades as an angel of light. I'm very proud of my Father. It was even him who thought of making “Jesus Christ” a curse word. And isn't it interesting that no other “god” in this world is used as a curse word, except for Jesus Christ? Genius I do say! I never would have thought he could pull that off, but Father said I needed more faith. Now almost every Hollywood star says it as a curse in every single movie. Makes him seem less real.
But the best way we've kept ourselves hidden, is how people have been fooled into thinking that only that which is visible can be reality, isn't it funny? They've forgotten that their whole lives revolve around the things that are NOT seen! Science, the laws of physics, gravity, chemistry, biology. The laws of induction and reason. The proof is everywhere. Love, the concepts of beauty and number, mathematics... they ALL follow laws that aren't visible. Heck, a person's name and their very being, isn't something that's touchable either. Sure you can touch their skin, but not even we care about a person's skin, because that's not who they really are. We care about their souls. We care about them.
So did you really want to hear my side of the story? You knew all this already. It's all in the bible and all over your television sets, your schools, your music, your news, your stupid faith. Oh, let me guess. You're gonna let people read my letter? Because your heart aches for those kids who hate themselves? Ha! You don't think I knew that prior to writing this to you? Go ahead! I'll tell them all about you. I'll tell them you're a freaking zealot, and they'll listen to me! They'll believe me. You know why?
Because they don't believe in me.
Sincerely,
-The Ghost in the Mirror
Because I am the Ghost in the Mirror, and I own every last one of them.
She never had too much to live for you know. It wasn't like I made her do it, we all have choices to make. I just pushed her in the right direction, that's all. It's not like that many people missed her after they found her hanging from an electrical cord, empty in her bedroom. For some reason, she had that crippling look in her eyes. That look where people could see the weakness and take out their own insecurities on her... spread rumors about her... even call her a whore.
And all the self-esteem she had in her was sucked dry by, well, yours truly.
It's like the ultimate lithium when parents don't care about their kids. Who needs drugs when you have negligent parents? And her parents even went so far as to set up strict moral guidelines to keep in the house. What's a 12 year old kid know? Discipline without love is punishment. Without love, rules are just a source of guilt and shame when they're broken. And they always get broken. How was she supposed to make friends coming from a home like that? Or get straight A's with no affection lingering from back home? I work well with parents like these. And more often than not, they had parents similar to themselves (though I never tell them out loud).
She sometimes prayed to God, but most of the “christian” friends around her were too shy to say anything, or too popular to risk anything. And it was real difficult getting through that thick European accent she had. And once all the rumors started, everyone wanted to join in. They didn't want to be left out, and they didn't want to be the one cast out either. The Simpsons weren't too far off when the people of Springfield were asking the man on the big t.v., “why should we listen to you?” Then the man said, “Because I'm a man on a big t.v., now listen up.” A person is smart, but people are sheep.
On rare occasions we got “those” kids who did end up blabbing about Jesus this, and Jesus that, He loves you, blah blah blah. But damn that name. I don't know a single demon out there on the field that doesn't shudder every time they hear it.
It hasn't been difficult getting kids out there to join our side either. Man they hear that word Jesus and curses just start flying outta their mouths. I mean they really, really hate it, and they don't even know why! How do you hate something you don't believe in? Curious, isn't it? That's exactly why my Father is called the Deceiver, the one who masquerades as an angel of light. I'm very proud of my Father. It was even him who thought of making “Jesus Christ” a curse word. And isn't it interesting that no other “god” in this world is used as a curse word, except for Jesus Christ? Genius I do say! I never would have thought he could pull that off, but Father said I needed more faith. Now almost every Hollywood star says it as a curse in every single movie. Makes him seem less real.
But the best way we've kept ourselves hidden, is how people have been fooled into thinking that only that which is visible can be reality, isn't it funny? They've forgotten that their whole lives revolve around the things that are NOT seen! Science, the laws of physics, gravity, chemistry, biology. The laws of induction and reason. The proof is everywhere. Love, the concepts of beauty and number, mathematics... they ALL follow laws that aren't visible. Heck, a person's name and their very being, isn't something that's touchable either. Sure you can touch their skin, but not even we care about a person's skin, because that's not who they really are. We care about their souls. We care about them.
So did you really want to hear my side of the story? You knew all this already. It's all in the bible and all over your television sets, your schools, your music, your news, your stupid faith. Oh, let me guess. You're gonna let people read my letter? Because your heart aches for those kids who hate themselves? Ha! You don't think I knew that prior to writing this to you? Go ahead! I'll tell them all about you. I'll tell them you're a freaking zealot, and they'll listen to me! They'll believe me. You know why?
Because they don't believe in me.
Sincerely,
-The Ghost in the Mirror
Give a Quarter, get a Nickel
Regardless of what you believe in, how you view our world, morality, right and wrong, problems and solutions, guilt and reconciliation, everybody, including you and I, have things precious to us. And regardless of what the actual thing is that's important you, what is common to all people's precious possessions is that none of them are willing to give it up for nothing. Nobody is willing to trade out fifty million dollars for a crusty dollar bill.
So here's what came to me this past Sunday. There's a lot of artists out there, such as Jay Z and Lady Gaga, who make flamboyant gestures pointing to their allegiance to a secret fraternity known as the Illuminati. The Illuminati, if they exist, are a group of brothers (allowing for females to enter) who worship who we know as Satan, or the Devil. He first came to the knowledge of people through the Holy Bible, and is a fallen angel longing to be like God and promotes independence from God, longing to become God himself. Naturally, his followers will take on similar ideals. "Do What Thou Wilt" is a popular phrase coined by arguably the founder of Satanism, Aleister Crowley, in which Jay Z was infamously known for having printed on one of his t-shirts in the clothing line Rocawear when he was the owner and president of it. Satan, is famously known for exchanging the world for the souls of men and women. He even presented to Jesus Christ, the entire world, so long as the only begotten Son of God kneeled to him. Of course, Jesus did not do so. We can not say the same for every other human being that walked this earth.
But there was that Voice, saying, "Now why would Satan so quickly give up the whole world, in exchange for a human life? What can you tell about what is actually precious to Satan? What does he know that Jesus also knew, yet these artists and many others do not?"
"Well, I suppose this world isn't really that valuable. Not to God, and certainly not to Satan. Why would he give up the world so quickly if it's supposed to be that precious to him?"
"He wouldn't." said the Voice.
"So... Satan, as every good liar does, is making us believe that the world is more important than our souls, than our lives, than our eternities, and bartering with us a deal that will see him profit and see us lose? (Satan is called the father of lies John 8) So just by seeing that Satan is willing to give the whole world to us for our souls, that must mean that our souls are more valuable than the whole world, that this whole world is nothing compared to our souls. And even Satan knows it. That You, Father of creation, see us more valuable above every other created thing, even the whole world. And Satan, is trying to take that for himself, by lying to us, by flattering us, by conning us. He means to murder us."
"Good answer." said the Voice.
I can not tell you that there are many people who outright worship Satan. But I can tell you there are many who adhere to his beliefs.
I can not tell you that there are many people who know who Satan is, and what he wants. But I can tell you there are many who seek and want the same things.
I can not tell you there are many people who seek the truth with all their hearts. But I can tell you there is one fallen angel that knows God's Word through and through.
And these artists are just one of many who adhere to these beliefs, who promote selfishness, pride, envy, jealousy, chasing after money like the wind... who have fallen into this lie of making a deal with the Devil. But I tell you now, this deal is not just made with the super rich, or the haughty or the jealous, it is made with every single living person on this planet. And all have a choice, to follow and seek God, or turn and seek after the world. I can tell you now my friends, that all this earth has to offer is nothing compared to all that heaven has to offer... for "what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? (matt 16) For even if you die a rich and glorious man, powerful in stature and presence, influential more than the others, and a fame that spanned across the seven seas...
A live dog is better than a dead lion. (eccl 9)
God is love.
S.D.G
So here's what came to me this past Sunday. There's a lot of artists out there, such as Jay Z and Lady Gaga, who make flamboyant gestures pointing to their allegiance to a secret fraternity known as the Illuminati. The Illuminati, if they exist, are a group of brothers (allowing for females to enter) who worship who we know as Satan, or the Devil. He first came to the knowledge of people through the Holy Bible, and is a fallen angel longing to be like God and promotes independence from God, longing to become God himself. Naturally, his followers will take on similar ideals. "Do What Thou Wilt" is a popular phrase coined by arguably the founder of Satanism, Aleister Crowley, in which Jay Z was infamously known for having printed on one of his t-shirts in the clothing line Rocawear when he was the owner and president of it. Satan, is famously known for exchanging the world for the souls of men and women. He even presented to Jesus Christ, the entire world, so long as the only begotten Son of God kneeled to him. Of course, Jesus did not do so. We can not say the same for every other human being that walked this earth.
But there was that Voice, saying, "Now why would Satan so quickly give up the whole world, in exchange for a human life? What can you tell about what is actually precious to Satan? What does he know that Jesus also knew, yet these artists and many others do not?"
"Well, I suppose this world isn't really that valuable. Not to God, and certainly not to Satan. Why would he give up the world so quickly if it's supposed to be that precious to him?"
"He wouldn't." said the Voice.
"So... Satan, as every good liar does, is making us believe that the world is more important than our souls, than our lives, than our eternities, and bartering with us a deal that will see him profit and see us lose? (Satan is called the father of lies John 8) So just by seeing that Satan is willing to give the whole world to us for our souls, that must mean that our souls are more valuable than the whole world, that this whole world is nothing compared to our souls. And even Satan knows it. That You, Father of creation, see us more valuable above every other created thing, even the whole world. And Satan, is trying to take that for himself, by lying to us, by flattering us, by conning us. He means to murder us."
"Good answer." said the Voice.
I can not tell you that there are many people who outright worship Satan. But I can tell you there are many who adhere to his beliefs.
I can not tell you that there are many people who know who Satan is, and what he wants. But I can tell you there are many who seek and want the same things.
I can not tell you there are many people who seek the truth with all their hearts. But I can tell you there is one fallen angel that knows God's Word through and through.
And these artists are just one of many who adhere to these beliefs, who promote selfishness, pride, envy, jealousy, chasing after money like the wind... who have fallen into this lie of making a deal with the Devil. But I tell you now, this deal is not just made with the super rich, or the haughty or the jealous, it is made with every single living person on this planet. And all have a choice, to follow and seek God, or turn and seek after the world. I can tell you now my friends, that all this earth has to offer is nothing compared to all that heaven has to offer... for "what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? (matt 16) For even if you die a rich and glorious man, powerful in stature and presence, influential more than the others, and a fame that spanned across the seven seas...
A live dog is better than a dead lion. (eccl 9)
God is love.
S.D.G
My Wife's a Whore.
I had no money at the time. I didn't really have a choice. None of us did. It was accepted. Something everybody just lived by... or rather, lived on. You see, you Americans couldn't possibly understand. You can't understand how emasculating it is, to see your wife have to sleep with another man to have food on the table... and you, having to consent to it, not because someone put a gun to your head, or because she's sneaking around behind your back...
But because if you didn't, you couldn't be with her.
This isn't uncommon throughout human history, if you Americans even care about anything outside of your own. Did you not have slaves once yourselves? Slaves are not a thing of the past. You see, in my country, we have very few landowners, and very many workers. And with so few people in control, benevolence and giving to others is a very far-fetched ideal... although our national religion claims to be otherwise, and so does yours. Was not your country the same? The only work that we men have is serving foreigners like you, coming here to see our beautiful country, celebrating and enjoying the lives they lead, waiting for your vacation days... to "get away" from it all. Imagine that...
Vacation.
God if I could only get away from this place, from this country... for free men and bond men walk here along the same streets, but never to the same place. The rich man and the poor man have two eyes, two feet and two hands... but one has golden chains around theirs, and the other... silver shackles. We have forever dwelled in the shadow of those who walk before us, as our masters, our "givers", the ones who take our wives who in return give us what we need. This is my giver. This is my land of the free. Does it really matter to you though? I mean, you don't want to ruin your honeymoon, do you?
I have seen you smile, gazing into the eyes of your fiance, and in the dark have seen you grin at my newly wed wife, riding in the back seat of my car... watching her smile back at you, wondering when the night will finally be over. Many foreigners come here because our country is beautiful; I do not find it beautiful. If there ever was a good, beautiful God, this is not the place He would have made. We worship idle statues and buildings, burning incense and fragrances for these images that never give back, and if this is love, if this is considered beauty, then I wish to be free of it. For every time I see you foreigners come, my stomach begins to churn... and my heart begins to thump... because in my heart, I hate you. Yet with my mouth, I must grind my teeth and love you.
I know you foreigner. You walk by a beggar on the street every day of your life, on the richest street in the world, as if he will no longer exist after he has left your sight. Too busy are you? But the beggar still lies there, still hungry, still slowly fading away every day of every morning. And the slave still walks in your shadow, yet you stroll along as if you do not notice me. But one day, you will. For human justice is blind... but not true Justice. You, oh rich child, will be held accountable for everything that you do, did you know that? Do you?
My countrymen... we... do not wish to be beggars, so we have chosen to be slaves. I need money, don't you? So my wife and I have decided that she will be your whore, and I will be your driver. This is not the life of a real man. This is not the life of a free woman. These are the lives of slaves. And you...
You are our customer.
God save us all.
But because if you didn't, you couldn't be with her.
This isn't uncommon throughout human history, if you Americans even care about anything outside of your own. Did you not have slaves once yourselves? Slaves are not a thing of the past. You see, in my country, we have very few landowners, and very many workers. And with so few people in control, benevolence and giving to others is a very far-fetched ideal... although our national religion claims to be otherwise, and so does yours. Was not your country the same? The only work that we men have is serving foreigners like you, coming here to see our beautiful country, celebrating and enjoying the lives they lead, waiting for your vacation days... to "get away" from it all. Imagine that...
Vacation.
God if I could only get away from this place, from this country... for free men and bond men walk here along the same streets, but never to the same place. The rich man and the poor man have two eyes, two feet and two hands... but one has golden chains around theirs, and the other... silver shackles. We have forever dwelled in the shadow of those who walk before us, as our masters, our "givers", the ones who take our wives who in return give us what we need. This is my giver. This is my land of the free. Does it really matter to you though? I mean, you don't want to ruin your honeymoon, do you?
I have seen you smile, gazing into the eyes of your fiance, and in the dark have seen you grin at my newly wed wife, riding in the back seat of my car... watching her smile back at you, wondering when the night will finally be over. Many foreigners come here because our country is beautiful; I do not find it beautiful. If there ever was a good, beautiful God, this is not the place He would have made. We worship idle statues and buildings, burning incense and fragrances for these images that never give back, and if this is love, if this is considered beauty, then I wish to be free of it. For every time I see you foreigners come, my stomach begins to churn... and my heart begins to thump... because in my heart, I hate you. Yet with my mouth, I must grind my teeth and love you.
I know you foreigner. You walk by a beggar on the street every day of your life, on the richest street in the world, as if he will no longer exist after he has left your sight. Too busy are you? But the beggar still lies there, still hungry, still slowly fading away every day of every morning. And the slave still walks in your shadow, yet you stroll along as if you do not notice me. But one day, you will. For human justice is blind... but not true Justice. You, oh rich child, will be held accountable for everything that you do, did you know that? Do you?
My countrymen... we... do not wish to be beggars, so we have chosen to be slaves. I need money, don't you? So my wife and I have decided that she will be your whore, and I will be your driver. This is not the life of a real man. This is not the life of a free woman. These are the lives of slaves. And you...
You are our customer.
God save us all.
I'd Rather Look Good.
I can guarantee that you have probably never met someone who has never been inspired, changed to whatever degree, or moved by the movies. Whether it was during a specific time in their life, or how relatable it was to what that person was struggling with... every one I know at one point in time was hit, deep in their hearts, by a beautifully written, perfectly shot and produced motion picture.
As I was watching one of my favorite movies again, "Moneyball", a very sad thought ran across my mind. It was saying, "Andy, look at how these great actors, can act so well, to play these great men and women many long to be like and are inspired by... yet how miserably Hollywood fails in their own lives to actually be like these great men and women they work so hard to play."
I can watch an actor live out a storied life of being the greatest father in the world, a live motion Atticus Finch even (one of the greatest literary heroes of our time), a war hero who never compromised and gave it all for the good of his country and for freedom, or even a 'closest to reality' we've seen of Jesus Christ in live motion picture... then hear about how hard the people behind these films failed to actually live out even a small portion of the characters they portray. How the mighty have fallen.
There's a laundry list of names of actors and actresses who have fallen into this category, and I'm sure you and I could speak about all the different famous people we know who act one way on camera, and another way off the screen. And what is the truth here? Aren't we all imperfect? Yes! A wise saying. This is not the point I am getting at. What hurts the most, and burns deepest, is that these great actors and actresses spend so much more time, learning how to "act" out a good life, than they spend seeking a life that is 'act'ually good (pun intended). To repeat, they spend so much time learning how to "act" out a good life, to "walk and talk" like a good man or woman, they neglect the time needed to actually become like these good men and women they "act" like.
And here's the kicker,
We are no better.
I have met time and time again, people who would care more about what others thought of them, than who they actually were behind the walls of their rooms. I have met people who said they'd rather appear strong, than actually be strong. They'd rather appear beautiful, than actually be beautiful. They'd rather appear intelligent, like they've got it all together... then actually live out a wise, humble life. And this ideal is so important to them, the approval of others, that it so powerfully influences the decisions they make in their lives to the point where they will not only lie to you and me, but even to themselves! They would rather live a lie than see the truth. They would rather be lied to than spoken truth to. How far we have fallen from truth!
I'd like to end with a familiar story.
A Hare was lying comfortably in his shelter one sunny afternoon, deep in the green woods, when a curious and lively Tortoise walked up to him and asked "Would you like to run a race with me? I have practiced much and would like to see how I fare against a hare. I dare not presume to be quicker than an animal such as yourself, but if you would be so kind to amuse a friend in the slower spectrum of the Kingdom, I would very much appreciate the gesture!" The Hare, trying not to show a condescending tone, replied, "Dear Tortoise, it would be a dishonor to me and all the other hares of the Kingdom if I were to race against an animal such as yourself. When an animal becomes a part of this spectrum of the Kingdom, we do not think as you do. We must keep up appearances you know. How silly my fellow hares would think of me to lower myself to race even a tortoise! They would think I couldn't run or something!" Truth was, the Hare had injured himself trying to jump a pond that was much too big for him to jump, but couldn't bear the thought of others knowing he was a rabbit who couldn't run anymore.
The Tortoise replied, "But my dear friend, we have never raced before. How do you know if I am that much slower than you are to warrant ridicule from your comrades? And I could learn from you, to better my own running in hopes of becoming a faster animal in the Kingdom." The Hare, trying very hard to sound as if he truly cared for the Tortoise, continued telling the Tortoise more reasons why racing was out of the question.
After they had finished their talk the Tortoise walked off, sad he did not get to race a hare that day. The Hare, sitting still until the Tortoise was out of sight, sprang out of his shelter and immediately went to tell all the friends of the wood, including and most especially not forgetting those who were acquainted with tortoises, that the Hare was far superior in running ability than the Tortoise, and how laughable the idea was of them racing one another. He would tell stories of how quick he could run to and fro, even told stories of how he outran foxes and leopards (though there weren't any leopards or foxes in those woods, only hearsay). The Hare even went as far as to get his close friends, who were just as lazy as he was, to act out scenes of their former races in their days, and the glory that came with being crowned the fastest animal in the Kingdom (when in fact, they were much slower than many of the larger four legged animals). And though the Tortoise would have understood if the Hare had explained his injury, for tortoises are known to be patient, the Hare was too embarrassed to admit it, and became all the more determined to make sure all the wood knew that he was indeed faster than the Tortoise.
As time passed the Tortoise ventured out to different parts of the wood, meeting many animals and eventually became known around all the Kingdom as a lover of races and physical prowess, that though he never was the champion of any of the races he raced in, he was respected as the humble Tortoise, who helped other creatures realize the depth of their own physical giftings. And to this day, in many crowds, he is the animal's favorite, just as it is in humans it too is also in animals; it is always fun to root for the underdog.
And for months and months, and years and years, the Hare never left his shelter, deep in the green woods, with friends of the wood, telling stories of how superior hares were than tortoises, and telling stories of how quick he could dart to and fro, even outrunning foxes and leopards (though there are not any leopards or foxes in his woods, only hearsay). And though the Hare was invited many times to join the races, I do believe the Hare is still sitting in his shelter, deep in the green woods, telling stories to the same friends, to this very day.
S.D.G
As I was watching one of my favorite movies again, "Moneyball", a very sad thought ran across my mind. It was saying, "Andy, look at how these great actors, can act so well, to play these great men and women many long to be like and are inspired by... yet how miserably Hollywood fails in their own lives to actually be like these great men and women they work so hard to play."
I can watch an actor live out a storied life of being the greatest father in the world, a live motion Atticus Finch even (one of the greatest literary heroes of our time), a war hero who never compromised and gave it all for the good of his country and for freedom, or even a 'closest to reality' we've seen of Jesus Christ in live motion picture... then hear about how hard the people behind these films failed to actually live out even a small portion of the characters they portray. How the mighty have fallen.
There's a laundry list of names of actors and actresses who have fallen into this category, and I'm sure you and I could speak about all the different famous people we know who act one way on camera, and another way off the screen. And what is the truth here? Aren't we all imperfect? Yes! A wise saying. This is not the point I am getting at. What hurts the most, and burns deepest, is that these great actors and actresses spend so much more time, learning how to "act" out a good life, than they spend seeking a life that is 'act'ually good (pun intended). To repeat, they spend so much time learning how to "act" out a good life, to "walk and talk" like a good man or woman, they neglect the time needed to actually become like these good men and women they "act" like.
And here's the kicker,
We are no better.
I have met time and time again, people who would care more about what others thought of them, than who they actually were behind the walls of their rooms. I have met people who said they'd rather appear strong, than actually be strong. They'd rather appear beautiful, than actually be beautiful. They'd rather appear intelligent, like they've got it all together... then actually live out a wise, humble life. And this ideal is so important to them, the approval of others, that it so powerfully influences the decisions they make in their lives to the point where they will not only lie to you and me, but even to themselves! They would rather live a lie than see the truth. They would rather be lied to than spoken truth to. How far we have fallen from truth!
I'd like to end with a familiar story.
A Hare was lying comfortably in his shelter one sunny afternoon, deep in the green woods, when a curious and lively Tortoise walked up to him and asked "Would you like to run a race with me? I have practiced much and would like to see how I fare against a hare. I dare not presume to be quicker than an animal such as yourself, but if you would be so kind to amuse a friend in the slower spectrum of the Kingdom, I would very much appreciate the gesture!" The Hare, trying not to show a condescending tone, replied, "Dear Tortoise, it would be a dishonor to me and all the other hares of the Kingdom if I were to race against an animal such as yourself. When an animal becomes a part of this spectrum of the Kingdom, we do not think as you do. We must keep up appearances you know. How silly my fellow hares would think of me to lower myself to race even a tortoise! They would think I couldn't run or something!" Truth was, the Hare had injured himself trying to jump a pond that was much too big for him to jump, but couldn't bear the thought of others knowing he was a rabbit who couldn't run anymore.
The Tortoise replied, "But my dear friend, we have never raced before. How do you know if I am that much slower than you are to warrant ridicule from your comrades? And I could learn from you, to better my own running in hopes of becoming a faster animal in the Kingdom." The Hare, trying very hard to sound as if he truly cared for the Tortoise, continued telling the Tortoise more reasons why racing was out of the question.
After they had finished their talk the Tortoise walked off, sad he did not get to race a hare that day. The Hare, sitting still until the Tortoise was out of sight, sprang out of his shelter and immediately went to tell all the friends of the wood, including and most especially not forgetting those who were acquainted with tortoises, that the Hare was far superior in running ability than the Tortoise, and how laughable the idea was of them racing one another. He would tell stories of how quick he could run to and fro, even told stories of how he outran foxes and leopards (though there weren't any leopards or foxes in those woods, only hearsay). The Hare even went as far as to get his close friends, who were just as lazy as he was, to act out scenes of their former races in their days, and the glory that came with being crowned the fastest animal in the Kingdom (when in fact, they were much slower than many of the larger four legged animals). And though the Tortoise would have understood if the Hare had explained his injury, for tortoises are known to be patient, the Hare was too embarrassed to admit it, and became all the more determined to make sure all the wood knew that he was indeed faster than the Tortoise.
As time passed the Tortoise ventured out to different parts of the wood, meeting many animals and eventually became known around all the Kingdom as a lover of races and physical prowess, that though he never was the champion of any of the races he raced in, he was respected as the humble Tortoise, who helped other creatures realize the depth of their own physical giftings. And to this day, in many crowds, he is the animal's favorite, just as it is in humans it too is also in animals; it is always fun to root for the underdog.
And for months and months, and years and years, the Hare never left his shelter, deep in the green woods, with friends of the wood, telling stories of how superior hares were than tortoises, and telling stories of how quick he could dart to and fro, even outrunning foxes and leopards (though there are not any leopards or foxes in his woods, only hearsay). And though the Hare was invited many times to join the races, I do believe the Hare is still sitting in his shelter, deep in the green woods, telling stories to the same friends, to this very day.
S.D.G
2pac's Hologram.
In light of this really, really cool concept coming to life before our eyes at Coachella, I found myself listening to 2pac songs again. For whatever reason, I began to get sad...
I see 2pac and I see two things, two sides, or as MLK Jr. said, a civil war going on in the heart of the man. He had hatred, anger, pride, jealousy, and lust on one end of his spectrum, and the other... he had regret, depression, hope, gratitude, and love. Remind you of someone?
I remember growing up as a teenager and a college student, idolizing him over most anyone else, even putting him next to MLK and Ghandi (at the time). While this certainly isn't a warranted praise, I found that what I really connected to was his "real"ness. Or as Pac would say, "I'm the realest mother f***** you ever saw". As arrogant of an expression as that is, he was right in a lot of ways. How many people do you know, can you honestly, truthfully say, gives you their word, means it, and follows through with it, every time you speak with them?
I only know a few.
How many people you know, in your church, actually says something, and then actually does it?
I only know a few.
How many people do you know, would lay down their pride, and in all humility and honesty, come before God and him or herself, and lay down all of their sins before Him? And then, when possible, ask for forgiveness to the one they wronged?
"For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it." Matt 7:14
I see 2pac and I see a man who once sought out good, sought out a life of hope, and couldn't find it. Instead, he was enticed by a life of extravagance, boastfulness, riches and fame, and succumbed to his desires that, truth be told, we all succumb to, to our own degree, in our own lives, and through our own way. So what is truth?
There are few who find it.
If this hologram, singing "Makaveli" in the background reminded me of anything, spoke anything to my heart, it was that his "resurrection" is a reminder of the death that is caused by the human condition of great pride, and the social evangelism that preaches pride, passion & power; the three jewels of the modern world. I long to see you in heaven my beloved, and my pride is in grace. My passion is you. And my power is in the love of Christ, my beloved, my resurrection, my life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgnkLILDM0o
I see 2pac and I see two things, two sides, or as MLK Jr. said, a civil war going on in the heart of the man. He had hatred, anger, pride, jealousy, and lust on one end of his spectrum, and the other... he had regret, depression, hope, gratitude, and love. Remind you of someone?
I remember growing up as a teenager and a college student, idolizing him over most anyone else, even putting him next to MLK and Ghandi (at the time). While this certainly isn't a warranted praise, I found that what I really connected to was his "real"ness. Or as Pac would say, "I'm the realest mother f***** you ever saw". As arrogant of an expression as that is, he was right in a lot of ways. How many people do you know, can you honestly, truthfully say, gives you their word, means it, and follows through with it, every time you speak with them?
I only know a few.
How many people you know, in your church, actually says something, and then actually does it?
I only know a few.
How many people do you know, would lay down their pride, and in all humility and honesty, come before God and him or herself, and lay down all of their sins before Him? And then, when possible, ask for forgiveness to the one they wronged?
"For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it." Matt 7:14
I see 2pac and I see a man who once sought out good, sought out a life of hope, and couldn't find it. Instead, he was enticed by a life of extravagance, boastfulness, riches and fame, and succumbed to his desires that, truth be told, we all succumb to, to our own degree, in our own lives, and through our own way. So what is truth?
There are few who find it.
If this hologram, singing "Makaveli" in the background reminded me of anything, spoke anything to my heart, it was that his "resurrection" is a reminder of the death that is caused by the human condition of great pride, and the social evangelism that preaches pride, passion & power; the three jewels of the modern world. I long to see you in heaven my beloved, and my pride is in grace. My passion is you. And my power is in the love of Christ, my beloved, my resurrection, my life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgnkLILDM0o
The Road is Long
Paul's journey was a difficult one, to say the least. He was flogged, beaten, stoned, left shipwrecked, starving, hungry and destitute... put in chains, left cold and naked... all for the sake of the Gospel. I sometimes asked, and perhaps you have too... why did he do all that?
Would I?
I have never met a true follower of Christ, a true man of God, living by faith and not by sight, being led by the Spirit, trusting in the Lord with all their hearts, not have to sacrifice all they have for their Lord Jesus Christ. After all, He is Lord is He not? The God of all creation, of heaven and earth, holy and awesome in power and glory, gracious and kind to those who call to Him, even to those who do not... and we as His servants, are no greater than He are we? He washed our feet. We ought to wash one another's. He gave up His seat in heaven, His equality with God, His position, His rank, His table in the Kingdom eternal... to be beaten, spit on and humiliated by men and women, all to save men and women.
Yet for this He ascended on high, to the right Hand of God, loved by the Father for His humility, His goodness, and His faithfulness. Easter Sunday. The greatest day of my life, where every whimper and complaint that comes from my heart, every arrogant finger pointed at the Lord, every hedonistic pleasure given in to so easily, and every hateful and spiteful word and thought I felt and released... I count them against me no more, for the Judge, the Father, does not count them against me. Though I sin, and continue to do so... though I have weakness after weakness... I can boast of them. Because He still enjoys me during these times. This is not a hockey game. God does not have a penalty box for those of us who fail, who struggle, and who are weak. I do not run from the Father no longer, in shame and guilt, thinking if enough time passes of my feeling "sorry" for what I had done, all will be well with me and my Father again. There are no spiritual "time-outs" for the purpose of gaining God's love; there never were. His favor was never dependent upon what I did... remember? It was dependent on Jesus Christ, on the nature of the Father, and my "yes" cry to Him. We have inherited His righteousness. I do not mean to say that God approves of all that I do... by no means, we are told to put away our former lusts. But I am speaking of what God did for us... that though we still struggle through the years, He is always with us. He is not upset with you, but He enjoys you, loves you, even in your weakness, even in your laziness, even if you have fallen into spiritual slumber. Though you have not been seeking Him... though every step you take you wonder if it is for the Lord and why you feel so alone... He loves you! Go to Him! He will reveal to you more than you can imagine, and give you the strength to continue on, and carry you back to where you belong, so that the lions will not devour you whole.
What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!' I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance. (Luke 15)
We repent daily, as even in the Lord's prayer, we ask for daily bread along with the forgiveness of our debts, for his mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness (Lam 3) When we truly believe this, I believe, we will know why Paul suffered so much. For we love God because He loved us first... and as I grow to know Him more, of how loving, faithful, and awesome He is.. I will grow more in love with the Father, have more faith in Him, and my faith and love will be seen not by words, theology or song.. but by deed. The cost is great to follow the Lord, isn't it? Yet I count all things as loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus (Phil 3). The sufferings are great to be glorified with Him, aren't they? Yet we consider that the sufferings of the present are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us (Rom 8). Paul, a human like you and I, did not attain this perfection while writing this letter, and I certainly have not either... yet my soul cries,
...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Phil 3) God we seek You, show us Your glory.
Would I?
I have never met a true follower of Christ, a true man of God, living by faith and not by sight, being led by the Spirit, trusting in the Lord with all their hearts, not have to sacrifice all they have for their Lord Jesus Christ. After all, He is Lord is He not? The God of all creation, of heaven and earth, holy and awesome in power and glory, gracious and kind to those who call to Him, even to those who do not... and we as His servants, are no greater than He are we? He washed our feet. We ought to wash one another's. He gave up His seat in heaven, His equality with God, His position, His rank, His table in the Kingdom eternal... to be beaten, spit on and humiliated by men and women, all to save men and women.
Yet for this He ascended on high, to the right Hand of God, loved by the Father for His humility, His goodness, and His faithfulness. Easter Sunday. The greatest day of my life, where every whimper and complaint that comes from my heart, every arrogant finger pointed at the Lord, every hedonistic pleasure given in to so easily, and every hateful and spiteful word and thought I felt and released... I count them against me no more, for the Judge, the Father, does not count them against me. Though I sin, and continue to do so... though I have weakness after weakness... I can boast of them. Because He still enjoys me during these times. This is not a hockey game. God does not have a penalty box for those of us who fail, who struggle, and who are weak. I do not run from the Father no longer, in shame and guilt, thinking if enough time passes of my feeling "sorry" for what I had done, all will be well with me and my Father again. There are no spiritual "time-outs" for the purpose of gaining God's love; there never were. His favor was never dependent upon what I did... remember? It was dependent on Jesus Christ, on the nature of the Father, and my "yes" cry to Him. We have inherited His righteousness. I do not mean to say that God approves of all that I do... by no means, we are told to put away our former lusts. But I am speaking of what God did for us... that though we still struggle through the years, He is always with us. He is not upset with you, but He enjoys you, loves you, even in your weakness, even in your laziness, even if you have fallen into spiritual slumber. Though you have not been seeking Him... though every step you take you wonder if it is for the Lord and why you feel so alone... He loves you! Go to Him! He will reveal to you more than you can imagine, and give you the strength to continue on, and carry you back to where you belong, so that the lions will not devour you whole.
What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!' I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance. (Luke 15)
We repent daily, as even in the Lord's prayer, we ask for daily bread along with the forgiveness of our debts, for his mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness (Lam 3) When we truly believe this, I believe, we will know why Paul suffered so much. For we love God because He loved us first... and as I grow to know Him more, of how loving, faithful, and awesome He is.. I will grow more in love with the Father, have more faith in Him, and my faith and love will be seen not by words, theology or song.. but by deed. The cost is great to follow the Lord, isn't it? Yet I count all things as loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus (Phil 3). The sufferings are great to be glorified with Him, aren't they? Yet we consider that the sufferings of the present are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us (Rom 8). Paul, a human like you and I, did not attain this perfection while writing this letter, and I certainly have not either... yet my soul cries,
...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Phil 3) God we seek You, show us Your glory.
Something More...
How many times will we go back?
To the
people who bring us back to the road that never ends, tirelessly
circling to the point where a drunken daze is the only way to cope
with these thoughts in my head? Will the knife win me over or will
the pill put me to sleep? I don't know why but I know I gotta change
but something keeps telling me to stay where I am, to finally lay my
head in my bloodied bed. Will I? Should I? I've certainly
considered, but now I'm at the end of my road, tired of the circles,
of the lies that lift me up for one moment then leave me drowning the
next. I'm tired of hearing your lies, your phony truths about a love
that's made by my tears and pride, I'm tired of this life. I'm tired
of this life! So someone come and save me! I have nothing to lose. What do I have? All I held dear has led me here... are the scars on
my wrists and the emptiness in my eyes proof enough to change?
The world around me always claimed we
didn't need a Savior, but as my heart slowly beats, fading with every
moment without a hope I have yet to see, why am I crying out for one? Did I miss something?
Am I the only one feeling like this?
Is this life really all for naught and
God is whoever we make him out to be? Isn't he greater than you? Greater than me? Isn't there something coming or waiting for me? If
it's not Him, if it's not eternal, then I don't want it! How many
men and women have given me a false love, a hope that faded, a dream
that ended, a lust that masqueraded as true love... how many times?
No more of your lies! I'm looking for a love that never dies, a hope
that never fades and a dream that's beyond my nightly tears. And if
there is a God, though I don't know much, I know I'll find You. I
don't know why, but I know I'll find You. People can only do so
much. Look at us! Why am I suicidal? Why am I so violent? Why do
people rape others? Steal? Kill? Murder? Live so selfishly and
greedily? How long will You let this go God? Haven't You seen
enough?
Though my parents and my closest
friends have called them foolish, I've seen a joy in their eyes, a
love and a passion I have never seen before in my life, one that I'm
jealous of and desperate for. Some seem to fake it. Some just seem
to do it for the money. Some seem to do it for fame. But others, a
few I've seen, seem to truly be in love with Jesus Christ. We call
them fools but who are we to judge? I'm the one cutting myself,
bleeding in my bathroom sink... getting high every chance I get...
where did I lose myself? How did it come so far? My tears drip down
my pen, as I remember the beautiful days of my youth, innocent and
naïve, pure in so many ways... before the rage set in. Before the
depression bottled me into this prison of unforgiving hate, fueling
the guilt of my own sins... that's where I lost my place. Yes,
that's where I lost my faith. So that's where I need to pick myself
up again. Can a person turn into a ghost, and go back to a time
where the future held promise and joy?
Can a person be born again?
So tell me where You are and I will
meet You there, wherever You may be, be it far, be it near, my heart
is empty and my soul draws near.. I seek You with all my heart, as if
my life will start over and the days will be renewed... for my fear
also draws near, telling me to stay away from the Son. But I will
not listen to him anymore, he who brought me to this place, who
laughed at my pains and my pride and my shame... I will not listen to
him anymore, because I know in my heart there is more.
I believe in my soul I am more.
-Your best friend
-Your best friend
Something
I always wondered if there was something coming or waiting for me. You know like those kids at school, that chosen few that everyone always wants to be but would never admit to? Yeah... as much as I hate to say it, they always seemed to have something I never had.
They always seemed so much happier than me.
Far be it for me to admit to you that I'd want to be like them, and you know that for me to be even telling you a single positive characteristic of the ostentatious bunch hogging up the lunch tables during every break should tell you what kind of day I've had, even though it's my birthday! I mean, come on! I hate it too, but every time one of them comes up to talk to me, my heart starts racing and I secretly hope that whatever they have to say to me will add a little light to the end of my day, (which, by the way, almost never happens) and I hate it when I do that... but I do it. And you know I'd hate saying this to anyone more than anybody, but some days, they always look like they're so care-free. God what I'd do for that. Every time I look at them talking among themselves, as pretentious as they can be, they always look like they got it all together, have it all figured out... like they have everything. And some days, like this one, I wished I too had everything.
Sometimes when we're all hanging out, my mind starts zoning out and my body would get into this hazy, drifting mode I like to call "space-walking." And during those moments though I'm standing still, I feel like a fly on the wall, disappearing into thin-air, non-existent to everyone passing me by... as if no one knew that I was there, or rather... that no one cared. I know it's depressing but just listen.
I even met someone for god's sake! I know you hate it when I talk about him but I got to, cuz it's my birthday and this is in writing so you have to read it haha ;) But even when I was with him, I tell you, I'd still have those "space-walking" moments where I'd feel depressed and alone. I never said lonely! I'm not being emo, ok? I swear. Just... alone.
You gotta admit it, he was charming, smart, very popular around town... yeah he was a bit arrogant but I didn't mind it for a while. I just wanted to be accepted, wanted to be loved. And you know, I can honestly say there was never a doubt in my mind that this would make me happy, that this would fill me up and satisfy me... And for a while, it did. It really did. I didn't worry about anything. Any other girl in school would be happy to have him as a boyfriend I told myself. And during those days I felt strong, proud, and confident... like I was where I was suppose to be, like I finally was getting what was coming to me. I knew all the right people and all the right people knew me, and I flaunted it like a badge of honor. To be... or should I say,
To feel...
Proud.
I was at the top of the social food chain. No one could talk down to me or poke fun at me (without social repercussions). I was protected. I was respected. I was where I always wanted to be.
Then things started getting complicated. I know you already know, just listen.
He started telling me how much he loved me. Yes, he used the "L" word, several times. And every time he'd say it, it was always when we were making out in my room when my parents weren't home. There was always a part of me that knew he was lying.. but for a moment there, I really didn't care. How come I never got to have a happy ending? Why did my happiness always come with an asterisk at the end of it? Why don't I get a fairy tale? I mean I'm entitled to it after all the... you know... crap in my life. Anyways, yes... if you must know... we did it. Sigh. He was my first. He didn't even hold me after it happened, nor did he even call me the next day. I wanted to cry so bad after we finished but I held it in until he left. I'd be too embarrassed to cry. You know I hate it when I cry. I remember when he walked out the door a weird thought came to me, that I might never see him again. What truth that little voice spoke. I mean I trusted him with everything. Everything. He didn't seem as interested in me anymore, and I remember you told me a thousand times that I needed to leave him... but I didn't. I hope you understand that up to that point, my boyfriend was my whole life. Without him, I would have lost all my new "friends", and probably would have been ex-communicated from the group that held my lofty social status in limbo by the lips of their mouths and the clicks of their smart phones, just by his status changing from "In a relationship" to "Single".
I know.
I was using him too.
I mean, I liked him and all... but I don't think I ever liked him. You know what they say, hindsight is always 20/20. The idea of being liked by someone like him (or anyone for that matter) and what it would do for me socially, was what really kept me in that relationship. I hardly knew him to tell you the truth, and though I'd share with him all about me, like he was prince charming and I was sleeping beauty, he never seemed to listen... or care. Most of our time was spent making out in front of school where no one seemed to care about what we were doing... or in a dark corner somewhere where no one would ever see what we were doing. I never liked to hide it, but I know he did.
So, this is your best friend. I got used for sex. And I used him for fame. Charming, aren't I?
God I must sound so pathetic to you by now, but I'm writing this to you because you're my best friend... and I have no one else to go to. Sometimes I hear your voice in my head telling me what I should do during the hard times in my life... I hear you say "Pray, God is always listening." I rarely ever did take that advice... my parents don't really believe in God and neither do I. But you know what? On this occasion, I actually did. I actually prayed.
I remember when your parents were going through their divorce, though it was really tough on you, you would pray and cry with tears rolling down your eyes, asking Jesus for hope. Even when your younger brother committed suicide, and you felt so powerless to do anything, you still had hope. I mean at one point it was you counseling me over what happened instead of the other way around! And honestly, I admired you for it. I don't know how you did it, but I wish I could do it too.
Sometimes I still wonder if there's something grand waiting for me... if there's a hope I didn't find yet or didn't see through all the bulls**t. But I don't know if I can just turn around and start believing like you... and the sad thing is, even after having everything I thought I wanted, and finding out it wasn't as gratifying as it looked, I'm still here wondering when my life will radiate with hope and great things like your life seems to do for you. I know I've never asked you this before, but seeing how I even admitted to you that thing about those "popular" kids at school... I figure this can't be as embarrassing or as pride swallowing as that. And you totally don't have to do this if you don't want to... but, I was just wondering, as my best friend, since it's my birthday...
Could you pray for me?
-Your best friend
They always seemed so much happier than me.
Far be it for me to admit to you that I'd want to be like them, and you know that for me to be even telling you a single positive characteristic of the ostentatious bunch hogging up the lunch tables during every break should tell you what kind of day I've had, even though it's my birthday! I mean, come on! I hate it too, but every time one of them comes up to talk to me, my heart starts racing and I secretly hope that whatever they have to say to me will add a little light to the end of my day, (which, by the way, almost never happens) and I hate it when I do that... but I do it. And you know I'd hate saying this to anyone more than anybody, but some days, they always look like they're so care-free. God what I'd do for that. Every time I look at them talking among themselves, as pretentious as they can be, they always look like they got it all together, have it all figured out... like they have everything. And some days, like this one, I wished I too had everything.
Sometimes when we're all hanging out, my mind starts zoning out and my body would get into this hazy, drifting mode I like to call "space-walking." And during those moments though I'm standing still, I feel like a fly on the wall, disappearing into thin-air, non-existent to everyone passing me by... as if no one knew that I was there, or rather... that no one cared. I know it's depressing but just listen.
I even met someone for god's sake! I know you hate it when I talk about him but I got to, cuz it's my birthday and this is in writing so you have to read it haha ;) But even when I was with him, I tell you, I'd still have those "space-walking" moments where I'd feel depressed and alone. I never said lonely! I'm not being emo, ok? I swear. Just... alone.
You gotta admit it, he was charming, smart, very popular around town... yeah he was a bit arrogant but I didn't mind it for a while. I just wanted to be accepted, wanted to be loved. And you know, I can honestly say there was never a doubt in my mind that this would make me happy, that this would fill me up and satisfy me... And for a while, it did. It really did. I didn't worry about anything. Any other girl in school would be happy to have him as a boyfriend I told myself. And during those days I felt strong, proud, and confident... like I was where I was suppose to be, like I finally was getting what was coming to me. I knew all the right people and all the right people knew me, and I flaunted it like a badge of honor. To be... or should I say,
To feel...
Proud.
I was at the top of the social food chain. No one could talk down to me or poke fun at me (without social repercussions). I was protected. I was respected. I was where I always wanted to be.
Then things started getting complicated. I know you already know, just listen.
He started telling me how much he loved me. Yes, he used the "L" word, several times. And every time he'd say it, it was always when we were making out in my room when my parents weren't home. There was always a part of me that knew he was lying.. but for a moment there, I really didn't care. How come I never got to have a happy ending? Why did my happiness always come with an asterisk at the end of it? Why don't I get a fairy tale? I mean I'm entitled to it after all the... you know... crap in my life. Anyways, yes... if you must know... we did it. Sigh. He was my first. He didn't even hold me after it happened, nor did he even call me the next day. I wanted to cry so bad after we finished but I held it in until he left. I'd be too embarrassed to cry. You know I hate it when I cry. I remember when he walked out the door a weird thought came to me, that I might never see him again. What truth that little voice spoke. I mean I trusted him with everything. Everything. He didn't seem as interested in me anymore, and I remember you told me a thousand times that I needed to leave him... but I didn't. I hope you understand that up to that point, my boyfriend was my whole life. Without him, I would have lost all my new "friends", and probably would have been ex-communicated from the group that held my lofty social status in limbo by the lips of their mouths and the clicks of their smart phones, just by his status changing from "In a relationship" to "Single".
I know.
I was using him too.
I mean, I liked him and all... but I don't think I ever liked him. You know what they say, hindsight is always 20/20. The idea of being liked by someone like him (or anyone for that matter) and what it would do for me socially, was what really kept me in that relationship. I hardly knew him to tell you the truth, and though I'd share with him all about me, like he was prince charming and I was sleeping beauty, he never seemed to listen... or care. Most of our time was spent making out in front of school where no one seemed to care about what we were doing... or in a dark corner somewhere where no one would ever see what we were doing. I never liked to hide it, but I know he did.
So, this is your best friend. I got used for sex. And I used him for fame. Charming, aren't I?
God I must sound so pathetic to you by now, but I'm writing this to you because you're my best friend... and I have no one else to go to. Sometimes I hear your voice in my head telling me what I should do during the hard times in my life... I hear you say "Pray, God is always listening." I rarely ever did take that advice... my parents don't really believe in God and neither do I. But you know what? On this occasion, I actually did. I actually prayed.
I remember when your parents were going through their divorce, though it was really tough on you, you would pray and cry with tears rolling down your eyes, asking Jesus for hope. Even when your younger brother committed suicide, and you felt so powerless to do anything, you still had hope. I mean at one point it was you counseling me over what happened instead of the other way around! And honestly, I admired you for it. I don't know how you did it, but I wish I could do it too.
Sometimes I still wonder if there's something grand waiting for me... if there's a hope I didn't find yet or didn't see through all the bulls**t. But I don't know if I can just turn around and start believing like you... and the sad thing is, even after having everything I thought I wanted, and finding out it wasn't as gratifying as it looked, I'm still here wondering when my life will radiate with hope and great things like your life seems to do for you. I know I've never asked you this before, but seeing how I even admitted to you that thing about those "popular" kids at school... I figure this can't be as embarrassing or as pride swallowing as that. And you totally don't have to do this if you don't want to... but, I was just wondering, as my best friend, since it's my birthday...
Could you pray for me?
-Your best friend
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